there is something that i have been struggling to put down on 'paper'. because its so deep and vast and there is so much to say i've been twisted up in knots. but today i think i need to make a start.
my daughter and i love watching crime shows - particularly criminal minds, special victims unit and medium. what we love most is that at the end of the hour we have the satisfaction of knowing that the perpetrator of the crime has been convicted. justice appeals to the warrior in both of us.
but in real life and particularly india and with regards to crime against women this rarely happens. even now as i am glad that the survivor of the delhi gang rape is at Mount E struggling for life i look for and find no specific news about the perpetrators of the crime. i read lots of generalisations from political parties about fast track justice and needing to focus on making india safe for women but no news and and no plan of action. i wonder if these rapists too will slip through and escape punishment. giving other indian men the idea that they too can get away with it.
i read somewhere that a rape is committed every 54 mins in india, thats about 27 in a day and 9,700 in a year. thats just the reported ones.
while i was growing up in bombay i remember getting the message that if i was molested it was my own fault. i was responsible for making sure i wasn't raped. i am not sure who or where this message came from but i remember it clearly. i suppose it came from the patriarchal collective and the way women were portrayed in hindu myths and stories and from my mother telling me how not to dress. i don't believe this anymore but unfortunately even now most women and men in india believe it.
a woman raped will feel so ashamed and guilty that she will not tell even her family about it. but men will boast about it. in many areas of india a woman cannot report the crime because of fear of being raped again by the police. a man will make a video clip about it and post it. and the police instead of using it as evidence to convict the man will laugh along with the perpetrators. 'men will be men, why was she out at this hour' they will say.
i am trying to really understand what this says about the future of my culture and country.
this is heavy. i am heavy but i really dont want to be. i want to shake it off and move into a lighter more joyous space in the last four days of this year.
singapore has a gender equality index of 26. its a safe place. but the other day my daughter was walking home at 10:30 pm and a car with some youth passed by. they yelled out at her, 'hi sexy.' disgusted she turned to the car and saw it was a bunch of indian men. i really don't understand what is wrong with indian men - why do they behave in this creepy way? my daughter grew up in bombay and knows how to handle this but we wondered what a singaporean girl would have felt. would she be angry, paralysed, traumatised? my singaporean friend tells me she is scared of travelling alone in india because of the way men behave.
when my daughter talked to a german man about the gender violence in india he said it is the same everywhere, all cultures are based on patriarchy. but it is not the same everywhere. delhi is one of the least safe cities for women in the world. bombay fast turning into a nightmare. this rape has brought out the horror stories, created a space where women can speak and are heard. but the statistics of rape and absence of conviction are terrifying. and men who claim to understand and sympathise still carry within them the deep imprints of sexism.
the death penalty is no deterrent for crimes against women especially when justice takes more than a decade to be meted out. as much as i feel castration is a fit punishment, it is primitive and i fear will not solve the problem.
feels a bit hopeless.
we need some really creative thinking to turn the tide. to make men not women feel the shame.
this is more a topic for a thesis or book than a blog post and i have been barely able to represent a fraction of the thoughts, feelings and analysis going through my mind and body. and unlike the crime shows i watch - resolution has eluded me. no answers emerge yet - maybe all i can do is let it stay within me and hope that some out of the box ideas will begin forming.
later in the day - OMG, i cant believe i wrote this 'quiet' post when all i wanted to do was scream
my daughter and i love watching crime shows - particularly criminal minds, special victims unit and medium. what we love most is that at the end of the hour we have the satisfaction of knowing that the perpetrator of the crime has been convicted. justice appeals to the warrior in both of us.
but in real life and particularly india and with regards to crime against women this rarely happens. even now as i am glad that the survivor of the delhi gang rape is at Mount E struggling for life i look for and find no specific news about the perpetrators of the crime. i read lots of generalisations from political parties about fast track justice and needing to focus on making india safe for women but no news and and no plan of action. i wonder if these rapists too will slip through and escape punishment. giving other indian men the idea that they too can get away with it.
i read somewhere that a rape is committed every 54 mins in india, thats about 27 in a day and 9,700 in a year. thats just the reported ones.
while i was growing up in bombay i remember getting the message that if i was molested it was my own fault. i was responsible for making sure i wasn't raped. i am not sure who or where this message came from but i remember it clearly. i suppose it came from the patriarchal collective and the way women were portrayed in hindu myths and stories and from my mother telling me how not to dress. i don't believe this anymore but unfortunately even now most women and men in india believe it.
a woman raped will feel so ashamed and guilty that she will not tell even her family about it. but men will boast about it. in many areas of india a woman cannot report the crime because of fear of being raped again by the police. a man will make a video clip about it and post it. and the police instead of using it as evidence to convict the man will laugh along with the perpetrators. 'men will be men, why was she out at this hour' they will say.
i am trying to really understand what this says about the future of my culture and country.
this is heavy. i am heavy but i really dont want to be. i want to shake it off and move into a lighter more joyous space in the last four days of this year.
singapore has a gender equality index of 26. its a safe place. but the other day my daughter was walking home at 10:30 pm and a car with some youth passed by. they yelled out at her, 'hi sexy.' disgusted she turned to the car and saw it was a bunch of indian men. i really don't understand what is wrong with indian men - why do they behave in this creepy way? my daughter grew up in bombay and knows how to handle this but we wondered what a singaporean girl would have felt. would she be angry, paralysed, traumatised? my singaporean friend tells me she is scared of travelling alone in india because of the way men behave.
when my daughter talked to a german man about the gender violence in india he said it is the same everywhere, all cultures are based on patriarchy. but it is not the same everywhere. delhi is one of the least safe cities for women in the world. bombay fast turning into a nightmare. this rape has brought out the horror stories, created a space where women can speak and are heard. but the statistics of rape and absence of conviction are terrifying. and men who claim to understand and sympathise still carry within them the deep imprints of sexism.
the death penalty is no deterrent for crimes against women especially when justice takes more than a decade to be meted out. as much as i feel castration is a fit punishment, it is primitive and i fear will not solve the problem.
feels a bit hopeless.
we need some really creative thinking to turn the tide. to make men not women feel the shame.
this is more a topic for a thesis or book than a blog post and i have been barely able to represent a fraction of the thoughts, feelings and analysis going through my mind and body. and unlike the crime shows i watch - resolution has eluded me. no answers emerge yet - maybe all i can do is let it stay within me and hope that some out of the box ideas will begin forming.
later in the day - OMG, i cant believe i wrote this 'quiet' post when all i wanted to do was scream
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