7 — An Extra-ordinary August

August 27, 2026

I sit cross-legged on our grey daybed, a glass of water on the table in front of me. It’s empty and I wish I had the energy to get up and fill it up again. In a bit. I might even close the apartment windows and put the aircon on. It is 1:13 pm and the sun is scorching and the haze is ‘medium uncomfortable’ today. 

This August, this birthday month, has been a masterclass in many things. In constantly changing direction as the outside shifts and shifts. In learning to cope quickly to ever increasing stress fears. In resisting filling up the ‘glass’ simply to make sure that I always have a full glass. In actively emptying that ‘glass’ to be ready to receive.

If things had worked out the way we had planned, we would have been in Kyoto today. Probably on a train to Ayabe past small, forested rolling hills, and tiny villages with low-slung wooden homes. My friend there is free on Thursdays. We’d hang with them, drink gyokuro tea, buy large packets of rich matcha, gobble fresh sea food. Days are long in these months in Kyoto. But I am here in Singy, sitting on the grey daybed. 

I haven’t written all month. No that’s not true. I finished my novel draft. I kept going at it mostly to have something structured to hang myself on. I journalled more copiously than I have in months. I talked constantly to my phone AI and made notes of the grounding wisdom it shared. These kept me sane. Particularly the last. 

The spouse had a kidney stone that stubbornly would not shatter and began blocking his ureter so his kidney experienced hydronephrosis. He had three hospital procedures to try to remove it and still has a stent in to drain the kidney. He’s recovering well but the month was tumultuous. The phone AI kept me sane.

Always available, access to as much scientific info as I needed, with a default mode of being ‘sweet’ but with a tough love mode available. It helped me understand the procedures recommended by the urologist, the craziness and fear I felt; it helped plan my days, and even recommend which books to read and which to avoid. The spouse is recovering very well but we do have one more procedure in September and we had to cancel our Kyoto trip.

And all this happened in the background of the continuing Iran war, the cockroach movement, and more, in India. Things I followed and used as external structures to negotiate a life that felt bereft and transitory. 

Two pivotal dreams later I arrived on my birthday. And this here is a structure to tether my reflections to while letting them roam wide and deep. It’s been a month since I blogged so short as this is… I am dropping it on the blog today. 

6 — Who’s Got the Narrative

July 22, 2026

            I’ve been chatting with ChatGPT about my news addiction and how it is disrupting my life. Not getting other tasks done, withdrawing from a lot of social interaction except where I can keep discussing the news, and low sleep — watching media until late, checking stuff if I wake to pee etc…
            One of the things ChatGPT suggested was brain dumps to clear the mind before sleep. I’ve only just started doing them but many thumbs up for using them as a method to sort and destress. Dump it all and then and then pick one strand to write about — this latter is my own addition for myself. 

            Today I am writing to sort my feeling about Rahul Gandhi. Since the BJP came to power and before I was slowly conditioned to think of him as an incompetent dynast. The boy with the silver spoon, from the family that ruined India. Maybe he was immature and arrogant — some of his previous actions do indicate this. Crores were spent on a campaign to malign him, to ‘pappu-ise’ him. And most of the country believed it. He himself must have internalized a lot of it too. He disappeared for a while from the political scene and only found his way back very tentatively to it. 

Anyway, it became impossible to support any action or comment he might have made even if I felt it had merit. This changed for me when he began his first Bharat Jodo Yatra. I began supporting him on social media and being trolled for it — was called brainwashed slave of the British, liberandu, khangressi, deepstate supporter, tukde tukde gang etc. Also of course the BJP trolls do not stop at that when a woman is involved — a lot of sexual slurs which I won’t repeat. 
            Now after his action yesterday — of protesting outside PM’s home and then being detained by Shah’s Police — it’s been implied that he did it to snatch back the narrative which had been grabbed by the CJP. I don’t know why Gandhi did what he did and maybe partly it was to get the headlines again but don’t be fooled by this bullshit…
            THE ONLY PEOPLE SETTING THE NARRATIVE ARE THE BJP. Even being asked to consider that he did it only because he felt the CJP was ‘winning’ in narrative wars is a BJP narrative. 

AND

            AND

            AND

            Senior journalists, many that I once respected, have been falling for this for the longest time. Most of their debates are about who’s winning the narrative. And they discuss this with utmost much seriousness. Don’t believe me… do your own research…

            They should’ve been talking about how the govt is failing the people of the country in so many ways. They should be talking about planned police brutality and increasing vile dictatorship. But instead, it’s been about, oh but people love Modi, he keeps winning elections. Poor opposition, they cannot get the narrative right. 

            Well, you so called senior journalists cannot either. Godi or otherwise you only debate on what the BJP wants you to. You can’t see past their narrative. 
            Anyway, back to Rahul Gandhi and particularly his action yesterday. Did he do it merely to get headlines? I don’t think so. 

If I put myself in his shoes I feel he may have been peeved a bit that the hard work Congress has been doing on the ground on Neet leaks had gone unnoticed by said senior journalists. He may have been wary of Dipke who has tweeted many nasty things about him in the past, and not yet publicly said he’s since changed his mind since and now wants Gandhi’s support. I do believe that the Congress is one of the only parties that is actually fighting the BJP and RSS ideology. The crackdown at Jantar Mantar is part of this ideology. Congress and other opposition tried to raise the students’ issues and the brutality in parliament, even going to the chambers of the Speaker but they met closed doors. I believe this action of a sit-in at the PM’s felt like a way to keep the focus on the same issues that CJP and the students were raising. And so they did it. 

            I still don’t trust Dipke completely, though I am grateful for how the CJP outreach is what brought all these students to Jantar Mantar. While I am writing this, I see that Pradhan, our education minister has accused Gandhi of exploiting the students of India and that they deserve better. What does one make of such shamelessness? 

The students will make up their own minds about Gandhi, and this is their India more than mine as they are the future. For myself, I trust that Rahul Gandhi’s concern for the people of India is genuine. I will support him, until I see or hear things that make me feel otherwise. I don't know if he will be a good PM but he's doing a great job as Leader of the Opposition. 

Those I will not support ANYMORE, whoever they are, are the ones seeing (or turning a blind eye on) what BJP is doing and continuing to support them. 

            I respect those in the media who have stopped talking about who has the narrative (BJP always will) and instead notice and tell us about what needs to change in our country. 

5 – Fishy or Not?

July 21, 2026

            Last week I had lunch with a teacher from one of the writing courses I took last summer. The assignments I turned in for his class were centered around political musings about the rise of religious extremism in India. This teacher (T) was very generous about supporting his students and he offered me a private on-line lesson in writing short political articles. I wrote for a while using those guidelines to explore the many questions I had about events in India. I posted them and got responses and it felt satisfying. Then I found others who were expressing similar views and I was happy to read their views rather than write. Perhaps I was lazy or simply overwhelmed by health challenges which made it hard to find the right words. 

            But recent events in India have brought me back to wanting to express my thoughts because I find them diverging from those of the voices I had begun to feel in synch with. In fact my thoughts go around and around in my head, tying it up in knots and not allowing me to do anything else. 

            Mostly these thoughts are around the newly formed Cockroach Janata Party that rose to fame very suddenly two months ago. They have called for and executed a very successful student agitation in Delhi city yesterday. Kudos to them and to the students that came from all over India to participate. 

            Boo to the police that tear gassed and lathi charged and disrupted a peaceful march very violently. I guess I am writing this to understand my skepticism about the CJP. 

            When I first watched interviews by Dipke (the founder) I found him sincere. When I watched the other spokespeople, I found one sincere while was wary of the other two — one of which was Saurav Das. He was too slick, his answers to many questions evasive, and he it felt like there were things he was hiding, things that I needed to know to understand and fully support this party. 

            My suspicions of the gang intensified when they began writing posts that sounded like, if you are not with us then you are on the wrong side of history. Sonam Wangchuk who had been suddenly arrested by MHA in Ladakh (Sept 2025), and just as suddenly set free, (February 2026) joined the protest. They all behaved like they were diaper buddies—ok, I guess, common cause and all that—except Wangchuk hadn’t expressed concern about the exam leaks before. Das and Dipke had a history of criticizing the Congress, Wangchuk of supporting the BJP, but suddenly ‘one day’ they insisted that Rahul Gandhi must support their movement. Also, Wangchuk claimed or let slip that the governor of Ladakh (a BJP appointee) insisted that he meet Dipke — weird or not?

            But ok, these are things that I forced myself to not dwell on. What I  could not skip over was that all of the above disappeared when the police and para-military forces made their most brutal attacks on the students. Wangchuk who had been on a hunger strike had been removed to hospital just the day before. Das and the other spokesperson were at Nadda’s house handing him a rather wishy-washy list of demands while Dipke just had disappeared. Das claimed that the police had arrested Dipke then later said they hadn’t; but didn’t explain his absence during the violence. 

            Then Dipke was there at night again, standing on top of a car, and shouting slogans. Nobody, independent u-tubers, that reported on the protest, seemed to be bothered by the fact that he disappeared during the day. I was, and am.

            Anyway the students marched and took the movement forward without these so-called leaders who disappeared. They didn’t need the leaders but then the leaders took over the protest again. And now the police have just let everyone back into the protest site after crushing them violently hours earlier? 

            Wow! To me this is weird and suspicious. I had to write it down. Perhaps it will make sense later? Sorry — for those not following the movement this stuff will be meaningless. I had to express it even as it is more confusing than complete in my mind. Down on the 'page' and I can move on to doing other things. 

            I don’t trust them but will be happy to be proven wrong. I have a theory (conspiracy theory) about it and will write another time about it. Watching news, rather consuming it, like a heroin addiction right now. 

4—Day 11 of 14 with the Cats

July 15, 2026

I’m struggling to destress from ten days of cat health traumas. Outside the grass blower is creating a racket but the sun on the grass bank across the road and the trees swaying in the breeze outside the 3^rd level windows are helping lull the high anxiety I’m trying to moderate. An orange bus slowly pulls into the bus-stop, people go in and come out, it leaves. A reminder that life flows on. 

The cats seem to be recovering. We arrived to cat sit 11 days ago. The white cat had very leaky diarrhea and was getting his butt wiped when we arrived. The vomiting had stopped and we encouraged my daughter and son-in-law to leave to get their flight out. Two more doses of meds were given before we went to bed that night. We’ve had white Yoda since he was a few months and he is easy to medicate. I couldn’t make it to karate Sunday morning for by the time we settled in it was around 2 am and Yoda needed more dosing. His loosies settled that day but the black cat, Hekate had caught whatever he may have had. She’s harder to medicate but luckily it was a gel not pills. One litter box needed a complete overhaul but then her tummy seemed to settle, in fact she got constipated and had to be given another gel to get her tummy moving. 

Bad enough? But the worst was yet to come. Heka began vomiting Friday evening. Bile and black hair. She wouldn’t eat dinner and at first withdrew completely and wouldn’t allow us to comfort her. She did come out to sit with us but moved around meowing in discomfort for a long while. Frantic messages passed between us and my daughter. The next morning, we found blood stains on the bathroom floor.

Which cat, which end? My daughter travelling in Europe and not available until much later. We didn’t know the new vet but whatsapped her the photos anyway while consulting ChatGPT. Bloody bile or bloody stools are always a cat emergency it said. Meanwhile Heka ate her breakfast which was apparently a good sign. The vet replied and told us what to watch for. Heka ate her meals and seemed to be recovering though the blood on the floor haunted us. On Sunday right before dinner she expelled a two-inch hairball, dark, wet, shiny and truly horrific. She looked terrified and so were we. But she ate. Always a good sign. 

Was this it and were things going to be ok? Every time we had felt things were settling, they had erupted. My neck pain and pressure rose as the fear escalated. Meanwhile yoda expressed his anxiety by peeing outside the box, front door, another corner, anywhere. We were constantly cleaning something and the house smelled of cat pee and the solution we use to dissipate the odours. We tried to let our normal work routines proceed as usual but were slowing down to a halt. 

Yesterday morning we ‘halted’. Yesterday afternoon the vet visited. Examined Yoda. Easy-peasy. Heka not so much as she shivered in a corner behind the curtains of the window ledge. She cried as I held her while they tried to draw blood from her legs—always harder than the nexk and even more so when the cat is stressed. It didn’t flow, they needed two draws. They were here for almost an hour and half. Heka was wary but ate the snack we offered after they left. Luckily soon her spirits perked up, in fact both cats seemed exuberant last night. We ordered margaritas and tacos and hoped that the last days might be easier. Nothing was defusing our anxiety though. 

Meanwhile the Iran war blew up. Trump and Bibi want to ruin the Middle East prosperous countries while creating more chaos in the others. UK, Nato, France, Germany, condemned Iran without saying anything about the white bullies—well, they are white imperialists themselves, right. And the IDF and the settlers are still enjoying their spree of humiliating and threatening and much worse. Spain spoke up but was called antisemitic for doing so. 

Another bus lazily drives up to the bus stop and leaves. My neck still hurts but I will get dressed and take myself to the library. Books need returning and the stacks are soothing. I read three books in the last ten days and am only two books behind in my reading challenge now. 

3—Brain Dumps

July 2, 2026

I hadn’t done brain dumps before, though I’d occasionally watched u-tubers talk about them. I tried them this month and found some benefits, the first and obvious one being the dump on the page taking things out of the mind and freeing up space.

I decided to do them weekly, the weekend or Monday. I did them over a double page in a traveler’s notebook blank insert. On one side, I dumped my emotional chaos and on the other things I needed or wanted to get done that week. 

It was insightful to see issues as they evolved, resolved, and disappeared, or not. I think a weekly practice helps in not remembering the same on a daily basis, I mean it allowed something that occupied my head to actually shift over time, as opposed to dumping the next day and remembering what I wrote the previous day and so writing it down again. So somethings that didn’t resolve also did disappear—like my worries about the end of the year when Deepak will retire, both financial anxiety and wondering how life will be. It featured prominently in the emotional chaos in the first few weeks but though nothing shifted on the physical plane it fell below my emotional chaos to the point where it wasn’t part of the last two dumps. That was useful to observe, as I had this idea that it is something that never disappears or will never disappear until it is resolved—who knows how, or I don’t know how or when yet.

I think also that keeping some focus on the things that recurred—whether it was habit changes I desired or the lostness I felt, helped too. I did make a small shift in the habit of watching too much afternoon news and replacing it with at least 25 pages of reading. With this I am hoping to both read more as the habit ‘seeds’ the habit further and catch up with the four books I have fallen behind on Goodreads. I’m glad that some of the obsessive news watching has reduced—at least in the afternoons. Actually the Ikigai exercise was the best for that—it suggested watching news for 30 mins and then writing a tiny summary of the main points. Doing this I saw that I was watching the same news on different u-tube channels and was already familiar both with the facts and the viewpoints. (I still haven’t got rid of my watching Iran news first thing every morning habit, but will work on it now.)

Because of the dumps I finished an abhorrent task—dealing with some bank related stuff on email and phone calls—which appeared repeatedly for the first three weeks. It bothered me to keep writing about it and forced me to address the chore which I would have simply moved over even to the next month until the deadline of end Julu was reached. It appears no more and that makes me happy. 

The biggest insight for me was seeing how my mind was occupied with tasks and chores and didn’t do much big dreaming or even white spacing. I want to leave things ‘loose’ at times but I noticed how difficult it is to break the habit of wanting to do. I spent large parts of the February and March watching vidoes about productive planning, and interstitial journalling and now it’s hard to stop them. As with all habits I feel anxious if I don’t do them but I also feel super anxious when I keep doing them. I am deeply into ‘I do therefore I am’, right now and want to get back to ‘being’.

A proverb I recently read comes to mind—you may need your sword only once in your life but you need to carry it everyday. It has a connection to big dreaming doesn’t it? 

Not sure I will use the same dumping method next month, but I think I might use some form of weekly dumping. Do you do brain dumps? Have they been useful?