i am most grateful for the relationships in my life and particularly the close ones - husband, child and a handful of friends in this city, and elsewhere. yes, they support me and push me to follow my dreams. but more than that they are the ones who show me my darkness and hold my head steady so my eyes can face and explore that blinding darkness. through the pain in their eyes or disapproval on their faces i know i have become - temporarily - just what i hate in others.
yes, i am grateful to have these relationships. people who themselves are sometimes owls and sometimes warriors.
but these relationships haven't just happened. they have been achieved through hard work and a desire to really see beyond the surface. to speak our truths about each other and to know that the other while hurting really is just speaking a truth that i dare not see myself. what is even harder is to have the courage to tell the other what i see about them especially when they are still hiding it from themselves. not everyone wants to know these truths - so grateful for the people in my life who do.
my closest relationships really help me know myself. some people sit in quiet meditation and gain this knowledge. for me people are easiest way to know myself.
and sometimes when these relationships turn empty or monotonous - it is an unbearable, restless state. to name them as such is heartbreaking. to just walk away tempting. but to get beyond and truly connect again and yet again is what i seek.
years of willingness to trust and be betrayed and forgive have borne the fruits of finding enough such relationships to nourish me to work on finding more.
but these relationships haven't just happened. they have been achieved through hard work and a desire to really see beyond the surface. to speak our truths about each other and to know that the other while hurting really is just speaking a truth that i dare not see myself. what is even harder is to have the courage to tell the other what i see about them especially when they are still hiding it from themselves. not everyone wants to know these truths - so grateful for the people in my life who do.
my closest relationships really help me know myself. some people sit in quiet meditation and gain this knowledge. for me people are easiest way to know myself.
and sometimes when these relationships turn empty or monotonous - it is an unbearable, restless state. to name them as such is heartbreaking. to just walk away tempting. but to get beyond and truly connect again and yet again is what i seek.
years of willingness to trust and be betrayed and forgive have borne the fruits of finding enough such relationships to nourish me to work on finding more.
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