i hit the darkest hour of my long inner night yesterday and woke to the news that the gang rape survivor died at 4:45 am this morning.
i have been struggling to find some light over the last ten days. i have wanted so desperately to let go of the heaviness that has stuck to my being like some sticky, erosive, viscous liquid. but no matter what i did it clung to me. yesterday in the most absurd of ways i suddenly found hope and i am beginning to dare to dream again...
my daughter will be leaving tomorrow for her second term of field training in her masters course in peace and conflict transformation. since she was in high school she has wanted to work with gender violence in india. this impending separation also added to our heaviness but we created an easy day for ourselves, eating dumplings at din tai fung and just walking around. we talked a lot all day. we spoke about skewed hindu myths and the appalling patriarchal attitudes in india that we had grown up with. disgusted and angry we brainstormed things we could do to bring change. our warrior spirit strengthened as we supported each other but we were low despite it all.
I came home only to read a report where a woman scientist had said that the police could not protect everyone and if girls walked outdoors at 10 pm with their boyfriends such things would happen. she blamed the rape survivor and said that if the girl had submitted to the men they would not have beaten her and she would not have ruptured her intestines. i felt that the world had truly gone mad. my spirit tumbled into an endless abyss.
that evening i watched 'mona lisa smile'. i am not a fan of julia roberts but crazy as it sounds the film and her character in it provided a inner turning point for me...
the year was 1954. women were finally allowed a college education but roberts arrived at wellesley to find that these smart, feisty women were still just biding their time in university till somebody proposed to them. any break from the expected dreams and roles for women was judged harshly. as i watched the women in the film struggle to define who they were, question repressive traditions and to fully know their dreams and desires i felt great admiration. i owe my current freedoms as a woman to women like them who fought against the corsetted gender roles they were strapped into then. the women's rights movement has come a long way indeed.
...and sadly it still has a long way to go. but it is because of the efforts of such women in the past that i can live the way i do. i thought, maybe those women too felt hopeless at times the way i do today but they laboured on. a small hope appeared as i realised this and before it disappeared i grabbed it and held on tight.
i dream that - 30 or 40 years into the future things will be different. it will no longer be a woman's responsibility to protect herself against molestation and rape but a mans shame if he did rape. i dream of that day when women will walk free everywhere at any time of night and men will be more whole and not need to dominate and despoil women. I dream of women truly owning their bodies, their sexuality, their reproductive rights and the space around them.
not only india but the entire world is talking about gender violence after this gruesome rape. but this is not the first time this year that the word rape has widely appeared in the media. earlier this year we watched the US elections and heard republicans make ridiculous statements about women's bodies and rape. We laughed at them and we were shocked. I wondered how anyone could truly believe that when rape is 'legitimate' a woman's body shuts down and cannot conceive.
i dream that forty years from now men will no longer make such statements. i choose to believe that the efforts women and men of india are making today to change the statistics of rape and conviction in india and will result in a different land. things are what they are today because of generations of patriarchal values being cemented into the fabric of our culture. but i believe that these will crumble to our efforts and we will live in a future where indian women will have justice and hope.
i have been struggling to find some light over the last ten days. i have wanted so desperately to let go of the heaviness that has stuck to my being like some sticky, erosive, viscous liquid. but no matter what i did it clung to me. yesterday in the most absurd of ways i suddenly found hope and i am beginning to dare to dream again...
my daughter will be leaving tomorrow for her second term of field training in her masters course in peace and conflict transformation. since she was in high school she has wanted to work with gender violence in india. this impending separation also added to our heaviness but we created an easy day for ourselves, eating dumplings at din tai fung and just walking around. we talked a lot all day. we spoke about skewed hindu myths and the appalling patriarchal attitudes in india that we had grown up with. disgusted and angry we brainstormed things we could do to bring change. our warrior spirit strengthened as we supported each other but we were low despite it all.
I came home only to read a report where a woman scientist had said that the police could not protect everyone and if girls walked outdoors at 10 pm with their boyfriends such things would happen. she blamed the rape survivor and said that if the girl had submitted to the men they would not have beaten her and she would not have ruptured her intestines. i felt that the world had truly gone mad. my spirit tumbled into an endless abyss.
that evening i watched 'mona lisa smile'. i am not a fan of julia roberts but crazy as it sounds the film and her character in it provided a inner turning point for me...
the year was 1954. women were finally allowed a college education but roberts arrived at wellesley to find that these smart, feisty women were still just biding their time in university till somebody proposed to them. any break from the expected dreams and roles for women was judged harshly. as i watched the women in the film struggle to define who they were, question repressive traditions and to fully know their dreams and desires i felt great admiration. i owe my current freedoms as a woman to women like them who fought against the corsetted gender roles they were strapped into then. the women's rights movement has come a long way indeed.
...and sadly it still has a long way to go. but it is because of the efforts of such women in the past that i can live the way i do. i thought, maybe those women too felt hopeless at times the way i do today but they laboured on. a small hope appeared as i realised this and before it disappeared i grabbed it and held on tight.
i dream that - 30 or 40 years into the future things will be different. it will no longer be a woman's responsibility to protect herself against molestation and rape but a mans shame if he did rape. i dream of that day when women will walk free everywhere at any time of night and men will be more whole and not need to dominate and despoil women. I dream of women truly owning their bodies, their sexuality, their reproductive rights and the space around them.
not only india but the entire world is talking about gender violence after this gruesome rape. but this is not the first time this year that the word rape has widely appeared in the media. earlier this year we watched the US elections and heard republicans make ridiculous statements about women's bodies and rape. We laughed at them and we were shocked. I wondered how anyone could truly believe that when rape is 'legitimate' a woman's body shuts down and cannot conceive.
i dream that forty years from now men will no longer make such statements. i choose to believe that the efforts women and men of india are making today to change the statistics of rape and conviction in india and will result in a different land. things are what they are today because of generations of patriarchal values being cemented into the fabric of our culture. but i believe that these will crumble to our efforts and we will live in a future where indian women will have justice and hope.
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