Shades of Black - memories of Fuzhou, Nov 2011

The strangest thing about being in Fuzhou for my first black belt retreat was the feeling of being completely at home there. This was really weird since even though I had been doing karate then for eight years I often felt like an outsider at gatherings of martial artists. I started my karate journey late in life and many of these ‘insiders’ began theirs when they were eight or ten years old. They seemed to have a natural ability for it developed from years of familiarity whereas I struggled hard to get it right. So, I went to this gasshuku with a lot of apprehensions and a feeling that a black belt gasshuku would be different; more intense and much harder to negotiate than an ‘all belts’ one. I was glad that I was not alone but going with two others from our Singapore dojo.

When we arrived at our hotel in Changle we found it covered with scaffolding and looking like it was not quite ready for inhabitants. But our rooms were available and since our flight had been 3 hours late warm water in the shower and a bed with clean sheets were very welcome. Assailed by smells of paint I had barely sunk into a deeper layer of sleep when I was awakened by the alarm. Pulling on jeans and a jacket I bolted downstairs to pay up my fees to Sensei Nakamura and just made it into the almost empty breakfast room. I popped a boiled egg and some sweet bread into my mouth and then walked over to a little store to buy large bottles of water. The streets and the little store reminded me of India and I felt comfortable being in this strange country despite the stares from locals. Changle was a little suburb of Fuzhou and it probably did not see any foreigners.

Armed with my bottles of water I felt very ready to take on the gasshuku and went to my room to put on my keikogi. At 9:45 I was back in the lobby waiting for Sensei Pete who was going to show Quek and me the way to the training hall. We exited the hotel from a back door and climbed up a winding slope to reach the hall we would be training in. I could hear the kiai’s of the senior black belts, go dan and above, who had been training since 9 am. It would be a minimum of 15 more years of training before I could even hope to be amongst the go dans. I did not have think that I would get there in this lifetime having got my shodan only at the age of 50. I was envious but us junior belts had three and a half hours of training to look forward to now. Other black belts were waiting outside in little groups. I was quiet taking in the surrounding and the feeling atmosphere of the space and the people gathered.

The hall was at the summit of a small hill and I could see the streets of Changle towards the left. Our little hotel seemed to be on the edge of the city and to the right was just land covered with trees. At 10 am we were invited into the training hall. I was immediately reminded of DC school in Lonavla where I had gone for my first gasshuku when I was still a very fresh white belt. The floor was an uneven, worn out concrete one and there were open windows on three sides. On the far side was a small wooden platform on which the seniors were busy hammering down nails that threatened to cut into our soles as we trained. The concrete was cold and the air temperature felt good for a long training. As I looked around this room filled only with yudansha’s I felt I was that beginner in DC school, I felt like a new 10^th kyu looking around with wonder at my seniors who could do things I could not imagine ever being able to do.

Higaonna Sensei called for shugyo and we lined up. I hung behind knowing I would be amongst the most junior students there. After the rei Sensei called the junior belts to the front and I saw just how few of us there were ranks below yon dan. I moved forward eager to be in front where I could see and hear Sensei well. This was very different from other times when fear of not being good enough would grip me and I would hang back at the edges hoping not to be noticed. Now I felt comfortable being seen and having my mistakes corrected knowing how this would just help me learn faster.

The training started with a vigorous junbi undo with sensei explaining the main aspects of the different techniques. The little wooden platform was crowded and soon I was sweating profusely. After the warm up Sensei took us through the basic closed fist punches and blocks. He moved around making corrections and explaining the finer points. Then we started on geki si dai ichi and Sensei stopped often to explain something he saw many of us doing incorrectly. He explained the importance of zanshin before and after the kata. I was trying to keep notes in my head but knew I would forget many of the details. Between katas we also did more stretching and kigu undo exercises. Once sensei was satisfied with our geki si dai ichi he moved to sishochin. All of us were completely absorbed in striving to do our best. My head began spinning at one point and I struggled to keep control. Sensei gave us a break and Pete Sensei offered me an energy bar, which I wolfed down, making a note to eat a larger breakfast the next day.

After the break Sensei broke us into pairs of one senior and one junior person.  We practiced sishochin and the bunkai. Sishochin is a kata I was still grappling with and I was surprised when my senior said my form and power were good. Having done my grading so recently I remembered the bunkai well. Sensei moved around giving tips and making corrections. My senior was particularly good in helping me with the applications and his unique way of teaching quickly brought out the weak points in my bunkai. When I messed up I would often find myself being struck on a vital spot or swept off my feet and I realized how much I needed to tighten my applications. It was a fruitful time for me. Later Sensei explained that since he could not be everywhere at once he asked other seniors to work with the juniors. He added that he himself learned from seeing the senior teachers teach us. In the last hour we were back in the large group and sensei finished off the session with sanseru. Towards the end sensei came over and made a correction on my stance. Magically I found my entire body shifting to accommodate that correction and an arm technique that I was struggling with improved. He had made one small change but it had a larger overall effect. I remembered Wakabayashi Sensei, my first sensei in Singapore, telling me how a small movement in the shoulder resulted in larger one in the arm and to control my arms I had to merely move my shoulder in the right way. After this first training the sense that I was exactly where I needed to be had grown within me along with the certainty that this was where my life was meant to move.

Post lunch four of us headed off to Fuzhou eager to seek out the historical spots that we all had read about in the history of karate. The Manju bridge over the river Min with the lions that martial artists were said to have sat on waiting for others to challenge them so they could test their skills was first on our list. I had romanticized Fuzhou but it turned out to be just another large, busy and crowded city. We headed to south park but there was nothing left of the past there. We abandoned it to search for the Okinawan cultural museum and by a stroke of luck and a lot of direction seeking by Quek we found it almost as it was about to close for the evening. In that large messy city it was a well-preserved oasis with a lovely bonsai garden in the centre courtyard. The caretakers kept it open beyond its time so we could walk around. We satiated our thirst for our ‘karate’ past in the tablets, maps and pictures of the people who traversed between these two lands in those ancient times we had read about. Finally the older caretaker chased us out and we found a taxi back to Changle village.

Dinner was a quick meal. The dining room was kept exceptionally warm and was not large enough to seat us all. I was delighted to be remembered by some of the Sensei’s I had met in Goa when I was still a green belt. There were people from Spain, Portugal, England, New Zealand, Indonesia, Malaysia, Okinawa and Singapore there. It felt great to be amongst people to whom karate was a huge and intrinsic part of life. Many had been practicing for more than 25 years. More than half the participants were go dan and above. What was surprising to me again was how natural I felt that I was there amongst these people. I felt amazingly comfortable in my own skin with none of the social awkwardness that I often feel in large and unfamiliar groups. Each part of my experience was reinforcing that I was at home where I was. I tumbled into bed exhausted and was asleep almost immediately.

Higaonna Sensei asked Sensei Ernie to begin the warm up on the second day. It was fast paced but focused on stretching every muscle in the body. My body was sore after the first training and it ached as I performed the moves. We moved to practicing the geki si dai ichi renzuko bunkai with our partners. Sensei stopped us often and showed us the proper way of training. He said juniors could also learn a lot watching the seniors and had the go dans and above demonstrate the bunkai too. Again when Sensei was satisfied that we had understood the rhythm and dynamics of this bunkai he split us into groups according to our dan grades to practice katas. There were only four in the shodan group and eight in the nidan group. The largest group was the yon dan, go dan group. Nakamura Sensei worked on seiyunchin with the shodans and this was another of the highpoints of the gasshuku for me. His corrections pointed out details that nobody ever had mentioned before and the way he moved his spine floored me. I breathed in every word he said and later tried to recall everything for my notes. We finished the session in the large group with almost an hour of sanchin training. Sensei explained everything in detail. He talked of how the katas taught the vital points to strike and encouraged us to do our own research on this. Each time I have been taught the intrinsics of sanchin breathing it becomes a bit more clear to me. My leaky nose also cleared a bit with so much sanchin. This was an exhausting session as Sensei gave us no break at all in the three and half hours and I was glad to be able to walk out of it to my hot shower. I knew that even six months earlier I might not have lasted the full duration.

That afternoon post lunch I stayed in my room and wrote up my training notes from the first two days, I read a bit and just wrote in my journal. It was good to take some time away from everything and be alone. Previously in gasshuku’s I had never really taken such time to really soak things in. I was often hyper, wanting to spend time with others or walk around outside. This was another unusual experience and in some ways held the template of what this gasshuku and karate was for me. It was a perfect balance of inner and outer focused awareness. Again I knew I was where I was supposed to be.

When 6:45 rolled around I was ready to give up my solitary reflections and meet everyone for our special dinner organized by the local IOGKF representative. The dinner turned out to be quite a feast. Course after course was brought out and placed on the rotating platform on our tables. Beer flowed freely and it was a loud fun evening being with others who share this crazy passion for go ju ryu. There are not many times in a year that I can spend an evening with people like this. We noticed that almost everyone had bruises on their arms in the same places from the hard training another reminder of our strange bond.

Before leaving the feast Higanoanna Sensei invited all the roku dans to the early training the next morning since there were not that many nana dans around. A cheer went up among the 6^th dans and I realized that the profile of the dan grades at this gasshuku was belly heavy with go dans and roku dans outnumbering the others. Most gasshukus on the contrary had a pyramid like profile of participants being bottom heavy where the kyu grades were and then sharply tapering off post nidan.

I woke to my last day of training. I was shifting between wanting to be with my dreams and talking with others but was glad to find the breakfast room empty. Before training I sat and reflected on my nighttime dreams under a tree close to the training hall. I could hear the kiai’s and stomping sounds of the seniors. Last evening I had calculated the number of years I would take to reach the level to be invited into the senior training and found that  it  would atleast twenty more years of training. That was almost three times the number of years I had taken to get from 10^th kyu to shodan. But as I sat there I quietly knew that the mental leap in terms of inner attitude I had made to get here from the beginning was huger than the ones I would have to make now. Things were finally starting to become more natural.

Linda Sensei began the warm up on the last day. Then Sensei went through the basic blocks once more and moved into advanced blocks, open handed techniques and the quick sliding movements, suri ashi and tai sabaki. He put it all together in some intense and fast paced partner training followed by working on locking techniques. He moved us to body conditioning and more renzuko bunkai finishing off with kakie and kakie techniques. We did the last kakie with eyes closed feeling our oppoenent with our other senses. The training ended with katas done in unison and the gasshuku was over for me. No goodbyes were necessary, as I knew I would be seeing most of these people again at other gasshukus.

When I began karate black was the ultimate color in the dojo and it felt very unattainable. As time passed I began to know that there were degrees within the black and skills grew proportionately to the time you had been training. I had gone through a long hard journey and crossed a tough barrier and was now a black belt, but I was just a beginner. At this gasshuku I deeply experienced the shades of black. Looking at my seniors I could see things I wanted to do and be. Throughout this gasshuku I had not gone through any of that crazy comparison I often indulge in and find myself inferior or superior to others. I just observed others and knew what I wanted to incorporate and improve in me, both in my karate and in myself. 

The gasshuku was in Fuzhou, the birthplace of my style. Stories and legends of the old masters abounded and I had expected a deeply mystical experience but what I got was a very simple and ordinary one. One, which was extraordinarily easy to hold onto, and which in some way I imagined what enlightenment might feel like.