i am scattered all over the place today. that's a daily occurrence these days. i wake up and find i am not focused at all. i must say though that perhaps i do thrive well when multi tasking? i am always reading at least four or five books at a time - i envy those who finish one right through but i can't remember when i last did that. my mind just moves elsewhere after a bit. maybe the only time i am doing one single task is when i am training.
today i woke thinking of the move we are considering, writing a blog post, answering emails, going for a jog or practising my katas, delving more deeply on the current animal energies in my life - drawing them perhaps, googling for information i am interested in, getting back to writing my book and writing memoir. yes, something in my head has been screaming memoir for a couple of weeks.
its actually a relief to just name all these. perhaps in the course of the day, perhaps even as i write this post i will do several of the above.
its actually a relief to just name all these. perhaps in the course of the day, perhaps even as i write this post i will do several of the above.
we might move. we have lived in this apartment since we came to singy. we love this spacious two bed with views from all the windows. but it feels like time for a change.
i really wish that we could view apartments without estate agents. i am sure estate agents were meant to ease the process of renting, selling, buying but i react to something about them and find that my inner guard goes up. i find it hard to trust them, they are the least transparent people i have met in a long time. their livelihood depends on market value of property so they are committed to keeping prices high and whether they are a buyers agent or sellers they still both work to keep values as high as possible - or so i feel.
but before i launch into a rant about the worst ones i met, i must acknowledge those i liked. an agent who told us right away that an apartment listed at 4500 actually meant that the owner would settle for 4100. another told us that a vacant one meant that the owner might consider a lower offer. ok, maybe these are things everyone (but me) knows anyway? but i liked the feel of some agents, their smiles and charms and seeming openness even as they were selling the wondrous beauty of the apartment they were showing.
one had a delightful, dramatic personality. he greeted me with a gorgeous smile. the apartment was being painted and furniture was piled in the centre. i said, 'we don't want a furnished place.' he said, 'boo hoo, ok i will sell this furniture. but don't you like it.' he stroked a lovely dark side table. 'its teak,' he said with a smile that was sad and sweet. i couldn't help laughing. he followed me through the rooms and tried to get me to like the furniture, the closets, the non-existent views. i thanked him and moved to leave. he said, 'what! no offer? i will cry now.' and he fake cried. entertaining pause in the stream of scummy agents.
ok, to the rest now. all but two talked of how many others were interested in the apartment, urged us to push up our budget and reminded us of escalating rentals. one actually showed us two apartments that were listed at thousand more than we told her our budget was. when i pointed that out she shrugged, 'throw in a couple more dollars and make an offer.'
last thursday the pressure got to me. i felt scared - that i would never find what i needed or not be able to afford what i liked. i was heavy and disheartened. i wanted to stop looking. it had been raining all day. i walked by the sea to my dojo after viewing two more overpriced apartments i didn't like. i was late and exhausted. i threw myself into the training and the fear and oppression lifted. when i reached home i was calm. i told my husband 'what will be, will be. lets just look.'
on the weekend we met the most unpleasant of agents. on the phone she insisted on telling us how the apartment we would view was going to be completely renovated. after having seen several shabby ones we felt relieved. we walked to the condo to find that she had arranged a simultaneous viewing with another twosome. i thought that was most disrespectful, nobody, even the most aggressive of agents had done that. the apartment was a mess. we walked into a dark, heavy space - cracked tiles all over the two bathrooms, the kitchen had accumulated scum from the dark ages, the curtains were from some horror film and the whole needed painting. i didn't want to touch anything. i think she didn't put the lights on so we would not see the less obvious flaws. the promised river view of course was only visible from a couple of spots in the apartment and only if i pressed against a window and craned my neck. when asked what the owner was going to do she said, 'only professional cleaning.' when i told her i was not interested she pulled up her chin, 'the apartment will go off the market today anyway. we will be signing with someone.' 'so why did you then organise a double showing,' i said and shuddered as i walked out thinking maybe we should just stay in our apartment.
moving is a process on so many levels. after living in one place for so long i even forgot that i was paying rent and when i had to think about the amount of money that was simply 'lost' every month i was aghast. every part of moving means reflecting on and reconciling the self to choices. as i see other apartments i appreciate the one i am living in more. i don't know what will happen but i am just observing myself more deeply this time unlike the first time when we came to singy and went apartment hunting. self observation through the most mundane of tasks is a lesson here.
last thursday the pressure got to me. i felt scared - that i would never find what i needed or not be able to afford what i liked. i was heavy and disheartened. i wanted to stop looking. it had been raining all day. i walked by the sea to my dojo after viewing two more overpriced apartments i didn't like. i was late and exhausted. i threw myself into the training and the fear and oppression lifted. when i reached home i was calm. i told my husband 'what will be, will be. lets just look.'
on the weekend we met the most unpleasant of agents. on the phone she insisted on telling us how the apartment we would view was going to be completely renovated. after having seen several shabby ones we felt relieved. we walked to the condo to find that she had arranged a simultaneous viewing with another twosome. i thought that was most disrespectful, nobody, even the most aggressive of agents had done that. the apartment was a mess. we walked into a dark, heavy space - cracked tiles all over the two bathrooms, the kitchen had accumulated scum from the dark ages, the curtains were from some horror film and the whole needed painting. i didn't want to touch anything. i think she didn't put the lights on so we would not see the less obvious flaws. the promised river view of course was only visible from a couple of spots in the apartment and only if i pressed against a window and craned my neck. when asked what the owner was going to do she said, 'only professional cleaning.' when i told her i was not interested she pulled up her chin, 'the apartment will go off the market today anyway. we will be signing with someone.' 'so why did you then organise a double showing,' i said and shuddered as i walked out thinking maybe we should just stay in our apartment.
moving is a process on so many levels. after living in one place for so long i even forgot that i was paying rent and when i had to think about the amount of money that was simply 'lost' every month i was aghast. every part of moving means reflecting on and reconciling the self to choices. as i see other apartments i appreciate the one i am living in more. i don't know what will happen but i am just observing myself more deeply this time unlike the first time when we came to singy and went apartment hunting. self observation through the most mundane of tasks is a lesson here.
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