A Huge Loss

 

June 11, 2024

            I shouldn’t be writing about this for Tuesday blog. I don’t have distance from it yet. I read the news on Facebook barely moments ago. Arnold Mindell, a great teacher and leader, left this plane of existence last night. 

            I shouldn’t be writing about this because I was never personally close to him, or spent much time learning from him, or in therapy with him, as so many others in this world had. I should leave the writing to them, and fb is bursting with people sharing their interactions with him. 

            I should write instead about my week and what I thought I wanted to write about before I saw this news—the end of my memoir writing class, the beginning of my confusion about what next, the moment last week when I could not let go of my high over the result of the Indian election and be in synch with a troubled friend. I could tie up my anguished narrative of the Indian election and tell you about the bit of detachment I have found once it was done. I could write about slightly improved sleep and slightly messed up gastric issues. I could write about the book I am reading and how it brought up memories of my own childhood—the wonder of well written memoirs. 

            But Arny despite my not knowing him as much as so many others knew him, left a profound imprint. One of those people who probably leaves an imprint of anyone who meets them.

            The first time I met him, in Lonavla India, was at my first Worldwork event in 1997. A new contact Anuradha had lent me his books and I had signed up for the seminar, on conflict resolution, as those book—the ideas and the language—resonated so deeply that I felt I had known them from many lifetimes. I was in the place of needing just those learnings about large group conflict, and the seminar was one of those life altering experiences the personal effects of which unfold slowly and powerfully over the following years. But I was emerging from a terrifying experience involving a psychoanalyst with the same charisma as Arny. I shied away from what I felt was a cult-figure, who could be a massive manipulator.

            I dreamt of him often after that. Each dream teaching me, and pulling me towards the process work community that I had vowed to avoid. My next meetings with Arny, in 1998 Portland, and 1999 Washington DC changed my mind about him. Arny had an adoring following, just like the psychoanalyst, whose cult I had been sucked into for a couple of years had had. But he was different. Humbler and from what I observed constantly working on himself and not allowing those idealized projections to make him bigger than normal. Though of course he was huge and influential and intelligent and supremely creative. He also had a sense of humour and even in the little contact I had with him I felt seen and encouraged to listen to the quietest of inner voices or respond to the strangest of external signals.

            I saw him again in 2001 while I was in Portland for classes, and he made time for me to have a therapy session with him, even though he was normally booked up years in advance. I went in feeling shy and wordless. I said I was lost and he said, “Tell me last night’s dream and I will tell you where you are.” And I told him not one, but two dreams, and was able to find some direction in a very confused time of my life, in a mere half hour therapy session.  
            I saw him after that at Worldwork events where each time by some magic, as there are about 300 participants, I had meaningful contact with him that gave me insights into the next steps in my journey. I continued reading his books and learning from his creative wisdom though the last time I met him in person was in 2008, at the London Worldwork. 

On the first day of every year, he opened up his special percipience and replied to hundreds, who posted their New Year dreams on his fb page. His energy and insights were a gift to thousands in our world. 

            More precious memories are popping up and I am lucky that I have time today to stay quietly with them. Slightly numbed by this shocking news. Mourning a huge loss with many across this world.