Short Holiday Post

 June 25, 2024

I’m writing from my hotel bedroom in Phuket. We are up on a hill and the pool below looks like a tiny blue stamp, maybe a large blue stamp, but tiny blue stamp sounds so much nicer. We have a spacious terrace with great view of sea stretching to the horizon and green trees all around. It’s been cloudy since we arrived yesterday, but the sun was out this morning for a few hours, and I swam until I was tired and light-headed and sat by the pool until my body had soaked up more heat than I could bear. Before that I woke early and had a slow, one hour breakfast in a fairly empty and quiet café. 

My buzzing anxious mind hasn’t quieted yet. We decided that we were both too overwhelmed and this trip would help us find inner balance but suddenly I am a bit nervous that this trip will not help as much as I had hoped. The time here is slower than the same time in Singy but my mind is still as fast as it was there. I want it to slow but the only difference I have noticed yet is that I am more aware of the minute movements of the thoughts passing through at a million miles a second. 

The spouse seems to have slowed down quite quickly and I envy him but then perhaps he had more ‘actual’ stuff going on for him at work and otherwise, and distance from that has brought immediate relief. Yesterday after we had checked in, it began raining heavily but we pulled out umbrellas and went up the hill to the hotel club and had a few drinks. He ordered an alcoholic cocktail — normally he doesn’t drink — took a picture of the iced pink drink and sent it to the family chat. He had a smile on his face, and he looked relaxed. I on the other had was hyper and needed to walk down and up the winding path that leads to our room to tire myself further after our small meal. 

But I do notice some shift. Something within is gathering some strength from the time away. I sense the shrinking from larger, than three people, groups, and fast moving WhatsApp conversations that hurt my head, slightly altering. I feel my attention staying on the page I am reading and… no, no more ands… just that much for now. I think despite the break this is how it might be until after the longer trip to Okinawa and Kyoto end July. Sometimes that is all and expecting more is counter productive. It’s good to recognize the phase one is in even when one may not be thrilled to be there . But this break is gathering together the unravelling me to last until August.  

Ya, it’s a short post from a holiday.