Day One -- of a twenty-seven day experiment

 June  21, 2021. 1:40 pm.

 

Things have felt like a struggle for a while – since end February perhaps. And the struggle feels most apparent, most intense in my connection with words. I feel like I have lost my ideas and now even my voice. It’s been a slow and painful process that began during the first lockdown and has since stripped away my fluency and confidence until today when I have no clue what I want to say and how I want to say it. I also find I am reading less which is also a huge loss.

 

My body has also been letting me down. The sinus of course is something I have never been able to deal with well here. At best I’ve coped and badly, as nothing I’ve tried has worked to relieve me of this terrifying feeling of not being able to breathe or think as the sinus pressure crushes my eyes, my nasal passages and tries to infiltrate my brain or rather my mind. Lately everything, particularly smells, seem to trigger an attack. My teeth have given a lot of problems as has my stomach. I’ve also had a resurgence of my vertigo attacks – one is on currently, a milder one which allows me a semblance of normalcy, but have had two very severe ones over the last two or three months which left me reeling for several days. And last week I had a logic defying, excruciating back ache. It suddenly appeared one Thursday evening and no amount of stretching or pain relief medication brought it down. Then on the following Monday after I had made an appointment to see the Physio on Wednesday it disappeared. Poof, gone!

 

The covid situation in India and here in Singy have been on my mind, and the oppressive behaviour of the ruling party of India as also the puzzling behaviour of citizens who never question these rulers. 

 

So my experiment is to write in this blog for 27 consecutive days. I don’t know what I will write about daily but I promise to write. I also will not write more than 500 words on any single day and never less than 200. I will edit but not too much. I don’t know if anyone will read and though I hope someone does I don’t think I am writing with that as a goal. 

 

The goal is simply to explore the disappearance of this word connection and to track my body symptoms and emotions on a daily basis. The hope is an understanding of this loss and a revival of my words and voice.