April 23, 2024
It’s Tuesday and the last thing I want to do is write a blog post. I want to curl up and read. I finally found a book that has pulled me in after a string of meh books.
The book is about art or about an artist, a pandemic, and the intense desire that manifests in most new romantic relationships. It moves between times and places and has no chapters. It is like a remembering and many books I have read recently have been experimental in narrative and chrono time but this one works for me.
I am sick again and I am sick of coming here on Tuesdays and writing that. My immunity must be shot to pieces as my throat gets sore so quickly, or my sinus clogged, and then the ears feel blocked, and for some reason the stomach too starts falling to pieces. The leg pain from the injury during moving, which is healing but far too slowly, feels amped up as the body copes with the mild fever etc. etc. etc. All I feel I am is the pain.
Today I drew pictures in my journal, as I often do, to describe my state but none of the pictures captured what I feel. There are two things going on — the feelings of not being well, whole, etc., and then the pushing through required to get through the tasks and activities of the day. I was focusing on the second as all morning my spouse had been saying this in different ways — you’ve pushed through too long.
I shouldn’t even write this blog post. Or rather I should write it if I feel like it but shouldn’t share it as it is so meh.
After the first phase of voting in India it was evident that there was no ‘wave’ except a heat wave. What I mean is voting percentages were low and if there was a strong Modi wave the percentages would have indicated it. It might mean that Modi is losing his magic, but people don’t believe in that the opposition are up to the tasks ahead, basically rebuilding the economy in a way that there is employment and equity, so they haven’t come out in a tsunami to vote. Or it might just be that the hot summer makes people a bit lazy to get out.
I myself don’t have much faith in the opposition but I admire their fight despite every possible thing being thrown at them—leaders being jailed, accounts frozen. And my vote is for them as a vote for Modi is likely to be a vote for the end of Democracy. We will see what happens but I am one of those who believe that Modi = dictatorship or electoral autocracy = end of democracy. I hate dictators in all walks of life so why would I want one as my PM.
Anyway, the jittery PM and his party have begun indulging in scary hate speech. Scary because it wants Hindus to feel fear and get rid of the Muslims. The PM claims that the congress will take wealth from Hindus and give it to Muslims. He called Muslims people who have many children, even though he should know that fertility rates in Muslims are closing in with those of Hindus. He also called them ghuspetiyas — infiltrators, illegal immigrants — even though they are citizens of India. He had previously likened the congress manifesto to Muslim league or the Mughal era. The model code of conduct is on and campaigning in the name of religion is an offense, but our election commission is sleeping through all these violations. I shouldn’t say sleeping as it is active in slapping notices on opposition leaders and declaring election results in seats despite results day being in June.
The PM's speech was fiery and hate filled and I fear violence on the ground.
We are akin to a Banana republic. No, we don’t have only a single export but we do fit in with — servile, oligarchy, exploitation. We are a joke. And the election ads have been jokes. One saying Modi stopped the Ukraine war to bring Indians stranded there home.
I am angry that the PM has turned us into this.
Maybe my symptoms which feel big, burny, and hopeless are a manifestation of this. I hope the Indian people vote these divisive autocrats out.
Apologies for serving up meh stuff mixed in with a fair dose of venting today.
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