Balmy Afternoon

 

October 17, 2021

 

It’s 2:46 pm. A balmy afternoon. I always wanted to write that – balmy. I can’t decide whether to try to salvage the day or let it deteriorate further into wasted meandering. Cancelled out because hmm… wasted feels judge-ey?

 

I woke to news of a death. Not someone close but a karate practitioner I’ve known since 2009. I met him first at a gasshuku in Samui. We were the only two brown people there and I was shy and withdrawn in the beginning, just trying to find my feet. He was friendly and helpful. I am sure he was younger than me and his death is sudden. I’ve also met his young students, one was his son, and I wonder who will guide them now. I feel sad. 

 

Then I read a post by a friend on fb about health issues and we chatted. Our conversation going from health concerns to cats. Her cats were the first cats I fell absolutely in love with.

 

In between I did a nasal rinse. Ate a cheese sandwich. Read several news articles sent to me by friends from India and replied to them. All were about the absurd things Indian Modi media focus on, while avoiding the real issues. Made some comments on online articles—mostly replies to hateful comments by BJP supporters in a language that was not mirroring theirs but still pointing out the hate and illogic in their statements. The discourse on these forums is so aggressive, both from Modi supporters and critics. I also walked about the apartment. I had work to get done but couldn’t do it today. I did a very writerly thing—compared my writing to that of some others and found mine wanting. But I finally submitted my assignment. Then felt less guilty about the day and picked out new fountain pen inks which my spouse will bring home later. I’ve almost run out of a darker blue, black and green. 

 

This weekend I finished two novellas by Dorthe Nors written in unique styles. One as a series of lists and the other as headlines. Both about women, single and middle-aged, trying to find their way. Emotions, repeated days, burrowings (I don’t think burrowings is a word, but I want to use it anyway) under the surface of the social media lives they, and many of us, live.

 

I guess this post, and several before it too, might be something like that. About nothing much. Repetitive but also searching. This weekend I visited the clinic after teaching my Saturday karate class and, when I ticked sore throat in the online intake form, was attended to by a GP in full PPE. My chronic sinus had flared to the point where I felt frustrated, helpless, and broken. I always understate my symptoms and perhaps I overstated them; went on and on about how I couldn’t take it anymore; and he prescribed me strong meds. My body feels under a wicked spell, a spell of languid muscles and unenergetic mind, with these in me. But i can breathe better.

 

As I’ve been working towards being more productive in writing — and that has worked somewhat — my reading has fallen off, too off. This week my goal is to start reading more while maintaining the same amount of writing and training. 

 

It’s 3:26 now and its raining. I think I will read and hope I have a spurt of productivity tomorrow to catch up with what was left undone today. Though the day is not over yet and I might still have a breakthrough.