Weekly Accountability!

September 6, 2021

Last week was productive. It feels strange and scary to say that after such a long arid period. The part of me that is superstitious says, don’t publicize it yet. ‘It’ is not yet 3 months old. Many cultures don’t share pregnancy news till the second trimester. 

 

But I need to. I realised that the 27 days of blog writing besides building trust in words also was a way of being accountable to myself to write daily. 

 

So here goes…

Last week I finally rewrote the first chapter of Boiling Frogs. I had been very blocked but kept going back in thought to it while sitting in buses, or walking, or being treated at the physio. No words emerged for two months but then on Thursday I manged a rewrite. Long way to go yet as at least 12 more chapters (out of 33) need rework. Rewriting a completed novel is so difficult. The narrative feels set, in stone, and it’s hard to see what other shape it could be. 

 

I also collected all my karate writings from over the years—most written at times of doubt or of experiencing something new—and put them in a word file. I will read them to see what they are saying. I do feel a need to write more about my journey in karate that I began recording in the last week of the 27 day blog. 

 

The last thing I did was write the names of characters for the temple story—for now it is a short story that I hope at some point might expand into a novel. I made a plot ladder of sorts, sketching very lightly in pencil on a A3 white sheet. It is exciting. I have fewer skills writing short stories than a novel so maybe some reading will be needed when I feel stuck. 

 

There might be something about the two new projects that are exploring something that overlaps internally, but I don’t know. I have always worked on one writing project at a time yet in some ways having more is good. When stuck on one I can dip into the next, till one springs into the foreground and demands to be finished. It is a mix of hope and fear, of hard work and intent without too much pressure, of learning new things and trusting in what I already know about fiction writing.

 

I woke this morning steeped in doubt. These are still uncertain times. Long term plans are impossible. Each day something within wakes wondering what the virus has in store—new variants, new symptoms, new clusters. Writing for an unpublished writer is such an uncertain thing. Who knows if the new work will be worthy of publication. It feels like folly to do something uncertain in this uncertain time. Perhaps doing something safe, concrete, may be a better way to spend time. I’ve used the word uncertain five times in this paragraph. I could change four of them—unpredictable, unknown, hazy, precarious might be good replacements. 

 

My shoulder injury has flared so typing is hard after a while. It was healing and I pushed my luck last week in the gym. I wanted to start the strengthening and used light weights and perhaps aggravated the tears. I don’t know why I do that at times, and later curse myself for messing up my recovery. I called the physio to pre-pone my appointment but they don't have an opening till Wednesday. I’ve fashioned a sling from a scarf to remind me to not use the arm too much. My right hand can write or sketch ‘forever’ though. I need to remember that I cannot force progress on these projects too. 

 

I will report in once a week and see if that helps or hinders the projects. As I write a black and white spider has been wandering at my feet, on the edge of my desk, and now on the curtain behind it. Spider energy is good. I will ask it why has graced my work area today.