Its raining in cold, grey, relentless sheets. Visibility is impaired. But today I find it relaxing. I don't have to get out till later in the day when hopefully the rain will have spent itself. Right now the wind is howling, a dull low continuous sound with an occasional high pitched wail. I imagine I am in a tower surrounded by lapping waves, alone with the wind and rain. That feels good.
About two weeks ago I got an email from, Micheal W., founder of something called wizpert. This is how Micheal described wizpert -
'our platform, called Wizpert, is a fast growing community of experts, where users seek advice and coaching on an array of topics, including relationships, friendships, parenting, social media and more.'
The email invited me to join the community of experts based on my blog posts. I was flattered that my blog posts seem to contain some knowledge that made me an expert on something but I was also skeptical. Random ramblings cannot possibly give anyone the sense that I am an expert at anything. Besides, the word expert itself is something I have reactions to. Anyway I went ahead and checked out the link and it seemed to be an interesting idea on some levels and disturbed me on others.
I liked that idea of a community that was linked through cyberspace that one could go to to find someone to talk to. I didn't like the idea that there would be experts that might advice the person on their issues. I don't believe in advice, especially when offered to a stranger that I might have talked/listened to for few minutes or even an hour. On the other hand I do believe that open conversations that explore a persons problem can lead them to finding temporary relief from the worst turbulence of the problem and so putting them in a space to think clearly. I believe that such exploration then can lead a person to find their own solutions. I loved the thought of spontaneous chats with people from different parts of the world. When people talk about their problems they are more open about themselves and the conversation is more than just surface deep. That was exciting. But the idea of being approached as an expert did not really make sense.
Maybe its a problem with me owning my own inner expert. In any case I did not follow through with it but yet the idea does have some appeal for me and floats on the edges of my thoughts.
The winds howling has changed as I have been writing. Its more urgent, wilder, faster. I like the sound.
I am grappling with finding the heart of my story yet. Part of me does not want to write till I find it and another wants to keep going and trusts that the process will lead me to it. Part of me is overwhelmed today with the idea of writing a book and wonders why I did not start with short stories. They are quicker, you can finish one and send it out and keep going. But a long story is my basic form. Part of me is scared that I will never get it right. While another just wants to tell a story. I just like telling stories and have a person want to know 'and then what happened?'
Many other things are floating around today. Few that are making me sad. Somethings that make me question my path. An email conversation that made me happy. Another incident that made me hope. Glimmers of that path hidden under the sheets of rain. Its a good day to be alive.
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