May 8, 2025
Yesterday I woke to news of India’s operation Sindoor against Pakistan. I wasn’t surprised. A friend in NY had sent me a message on Tuesday night about mock drills (for what to do in case of an attack by Pakistan) in different Indian states. Did you know about this? she had asked. Yes, I had replied, India is readying to attack and I actually think it might be tonight itself.
Indians had been baying for blood, and apparently India had the right to respond militarily (which means with violence) to the terrorist attack which killed 28 people at Pahalgam. The international community, world leaders, had said it was allowable, while also advising caution. This last bit was laughed at by Indian citizens because most countries do not show caution while avenging attacks on their soil but advocate it for others.
So, I wasn’t surprised. But I was sad. I didn't think one measured, focused attack would be it.
What did surprise me yesterday morning was a video of survivors from Pahalgam that was making the rounds. Family members of those killed were saying how at peace they felt that the death of their spouse, father, son, had been avenged. All those killed in Pahalgam had been male, and the widows had been left to tell the tale. Thus the name chosen for the attack was operation Sindoor. Indoor being the red powder a married Hindu woman wore in the parting of her hair after marriage. A practice many Indian women do not adopt anymore.
I did wonder about how quickly this video had been put together — I saw it at 8 am and the attack was apparently completed at 1:40 am. I also wondered if I would have been satisfied with 'revenge' and stop asking for accountability. But I pushed that unpopular and ‘un-Indian’ thought aside. I was supposed to be jumping up and down praising our army and the government. I think our army is pretty good despite the attrition effect some recent policies by the government has had on it.
The fear of what next, and many other confusing thoughts paralyzed me, I wanted to talk to someone but there was nobody to talk to. So I did what I often do, put aside the tasks of my day and began reading independent media articles and the comments by readers below. I was surprised by the number of comments made on the Operation Sindoor articles by Pakistani male profiles. Most of them claimed the operation had been a failure for India as Pakistan had shot down five Indian jets. One man had written, Wait for Operation Suhagraat. Beware Indian girls. Threatening rape as an act of war. At once I replied, What a disgusting comment. The women of India are not scared.
What followed surprised me the most. The man who wrote that comment didn’t reply. Perhaps he didn’t need to. Radical Hindu men who have I have exchanged comments with in the past ganged up on me. Calling me cryto (apparently it means a fake Indian profile in troll lingo), falsely showing patriotism, calling me a Pakistani profile, labelling me a converted Hindu so not Indian, an agent of Pakistan etc. And I saw this happening to several others who previously had criticized the government but were now obviously speaking for India. The were people whose opinions often matched mine. It was horrifying that the Hindutva radicals were still interested in trolling fellow Indians. It shouldn’t have shocked me, but it did. For some reason I had felt at that moment our differences would not matter.
Beyond this attack of fellow Indians by Indian trolls, there was complete symmetry in the voices of extremists from both sides. War cries which involved a fair amount of targeting of women (rape threats) as collateral damage, and of course of completely annihilating the other.
Disturbed and filled with heaviness I pulled on shorts and headed to the gym. I pushed my body to a limit I haven’t for a while (since my injuries), even doing things I had been advised not to do. No it wasn’t self-sabotage but a testing of how well the body was healing. I needed to not feel 'injured' anymore. Later as the blood flowed within my limbs along with the high from exercise hormones, my thoughts became more manageable. Two or three thoughts dominated.
Operation Sindoor. The name itself icked me out, but Indians seemed to love it. So apt for an operation to avenge the deaths of husbands, many had said. Count me out please, I had felt, then, Am I the only one feeling this way? Today a woman, expressed what I had been feeling, on her Facebook profile. Her post spoke of how the name reeked of the trappings of traditional, patriarchal Hinduism. Not all of us live in that paradigm, she said. I felt relief at hearing her voice and I came to a blank screen to express these unpopular views.
Himanshi, a survivor, wife of a naval officer had expressed an unpopular view. Her photograph that had captured the nation, been the face of mourning for the nation, a photo of her sitting on the grass beside the body of her new husband, a picture of grief immediate and intense. The photo had been appropriated by the trolls as the face of terrorism in the name of religion, Islam obviously, and been used to fuel attacks on Indian Muslims and in particular Kashmiri Muslims. Himanshi said, NO. She said she wanted peace and unity. She didn’t want Indian Muslims attacked.
She was mercilessly trolled. She was called an inauspicious woman, a woman who brings on the death of her husband, it was said that she frequented the hostel of Kashmiri students and had lost her virginity to a Muslim, she was called a Pak sympathizer, her love for her husband was questioned — it’s been only five to seven days since she got married. The government didn’t speak up for her though the same woman Lalita Ramdas, also a navy wife, whose post had inspired me to express my feelings had written to her privately, and stood up for her publicly.
For the current Indian government and the trolls supporting them this was about narrative. Reclaiming it. Diverting any questions about accountability. Apparently, there had been intelligence about a possbile terrorist attack in Kashmir and PM Modi had cancelled his visit there because of ir. But they had chosen not to tell the tourists and neglected to amplify security. There is a new VVIP culture in India that doesn’t think ordinary citizens are worth protecting. Now I wondered, who would have the courage to question the government on this? The opposition had stayed silent before, the media (except for a few) had stayed silent, our voices — minority voices —couldn’t be heard. But now once India was at war could be go back in time and ask why that the original attack even happened?
Some media persons (whom I had previously considered intelligent but now consider cowed to the government) had called Pahalgam an inflection point. The first time Islamic terrorists had checked the religion of the victims — if they were circumcised, if they could recite the Kalim — and then killed them. But was it an inflection point or were these Islamic terrorists merely using Hindu terror tactics? We had read these reports, so many that perhaps it had become normalized. Kill him, he is circumcised, he is Muslim. Say Jai shri ram, oh you won’t, then be lynched. The inflection point had come came years ago but those whose voices were supposed to call this out had ignored it out of fear, out of wanting to stay within the government narrative. But now this act of religious Islamic terrorism is called the inflection point. The thing we cannot tolerate.
And my last unpopular opinion for today — did India really have no other options? I am not a military or strategic expert but there are options I see. We had international sympathy, we could have used it and called for international investigations of those terrorist sites in Pakistan occupied Kashmir that we targeted yesterday. We could have called for the extradition of the masterminds, insisted on international sanctions against Pakistan. We could have been a true world leader, been unique in the way we responded, shown the world a different way. But we took the route most trampled. Violence to avenge violence.
I didn’t realize it, though the number of books on my top shelf on non-violence, mediation, waging a non-violent struggle, about a force more powerful, should have clued me in that I am a pacifist. I do not believe in war as a way to resolve disputes. It is the easy way, the popular way. This baying for blood is primitive and we as humanity need to evolve beyond it.
This is an inflection point for me of sorts. One I have been sensing for a bit. Time perhaps to get off this train I am on.
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