Day 13 of 27 — Covid Disposes

July 3, 2021

Covid still is nipping at my calves and constantly slowing down forward motion. I’m getting really angry now. Grrrr!

 

It began when my sister called and announced that she had covid. Several days felt ‘cancelled’ as we tried to figure out the best course of action, and then this week when that was settling I was swabbed and sent home and more plans disrupted. 

 

This afternoon a friend who I had trained with earlier this morning messaged me saying that the person she was with the evening before tested positive. And so it begins again. Isolate and go crazy trying to figure out what to do next. Also wonder if you might be quarantined. 

 

Has this happened to you? It has to me a few times over the year. It feels like there are yet no clear guidelines on what to do when you may have been exposed but are low risk so the health ministry does not contact you. Yet out of feeling responsible and caring for the safety of others you feel you should isolate and minimise contact. Don’t go out, don’t train in the gym. Should I go to the grocery store for tea that is running out, or even take a walk. Sometimes I wonder if it is best to hole up and just do nothing till these covid times are past. The hermit part of me would be happy with that. It’s the thinking and choosing and constantly being alert is what keeps the body and mind hyper and unhappy, and very tired.

 

More than angry I am confused. Particularly about decisions to make for the dojo. We keep up with all the recommendations and curbs the sports council puts out. Sometimes I want to be extra careful and put restrictions beyond what the council says. I find myself planning no contact trainings but people also want to get into partner training and I feel like I am not allowing people who want do that to train properly. It’s been a year of having to adapt and change — zoom, outdoors with distancing, indoors with masks, and so on — and it’s wearing me down. 

 

In the ‘winter’ months I see spectacular sunsets sitting right here on this sofa, but this time of year the sun ‘moves’ southwards and all I see is the mantle of golden light falling over all that is in front of me, while the sun sets somewhere out of my vision.