Three nights ago I had a dream that I felt compelled to blog about. But since I am in a state where my words don’t satisfy me, whatever I wrote felt meaningless and not worthy of sharing. I have been feeling like I need to stop this dabbling and take myself to the next level. I have little idea what this means yet, but the sense is strong, and I am letting it grow and make me uneasy till I know more.
But back to the dream…
Modi and his son walk into a room that I am in… I am so close to him and he had no security personnel around… I think, I can easily kill him… Then I remember that his son’s son, whom I am caring for, is with us in the room… I can’t inflict the trauma of seeing his grandfather killed on the boy…
Sometimes a dream arrives with an instant interpretation. This was one such dream. Soon after waking I wrote to a friend about the dream. I said to her…
I knew at once that this dream was telling me that this Modi madness, this blind faith, this non questioning of destructive decisions will continue on for one more generation at least. The messaging by the BJP has been thorough and sunk in deep within the psyche of the nation. There is a generation of people who see Modi as a father, who is their saviour, their caretaker, who loves them and can do no wrong.
This dream also tells me that we, those of us who feel ourselves as caretakers of this country, and the future, need to act with compassion and take care not to further damage the souls of the people, particularly the young and innocent. We need to find within ourselves our complete humanity, every shred of it, and always act from there. We can't let hate win, even within us. We just cannot become that other.
This battle, whether internal or external, is a moral one — but then aren’t all battles moral?
All this is so obvious. So why did I have this dream now, I asked her.
I am raging about the callousness and lies of the government. Exhausted by the constant denial of reality. Angry with statements made by senior leaders that there is no connection between large political rallies in Bengal and the rising covid infections in the country, or that there are no vaccine shortages in the country, when it is obvious that states have run out and have had to close vaccination centers. Disgusted with them saying that the kumbh gathering is not a problem, everyone there is following covid protocols. This when the world can see densely packed mask-less people bathing together in the Ganges. I feel the scale of the gaslighting has reached a new hell. This kind of lying and misinformation is detrimental to well-being. Particularly at this time when people are looking for correct information about ways to keep themselves safe. Their attachment to their loved leaders creates further confusion as the need to believe in them battles with what eyes, ears and even their hearts are indicating. Still, it is hard to criticise these leaders, let alone disown them. It is impossible to admit that the Union Ministers are oblivious to the needs of the people. It is best to ignore, compartmentalize and live. And thus the Political leadership continues to get away with it. Their popularity is the same, isn't it? Their followers forgive everything and lash out at any criticism. I think it sunk in during this second covid wave where the incompetence of this govt. is on full display just how deep Modi insanity is within the psyche of the nation. The Modi-Shah duo create chaos when they need to bring peace, and still the country endures.
I also wrote…
I don't yet know what within me is like Modi. I mean yes, parts of me are narcissistic, insensitive. At times I feel like defaming or blaming someone else to make my own path in the world easier, but these feelings are momentary — the need to have moral fibre wins over.
But he appeared in my dream so I need to find him within me no?
Later when I was thinking further about the dream I realised that any work we, caretakers of the ethical soul of the nation (ya, I know that sounds pompous, but that is what we are), will not make much headway into the present. The culture of Modi-Shah is set in concrete right now. We need to do our work with the future in mind.
I have to say that this realisation brought a bit of hope to the chasmic night I had slipped into.
I also realised that Modi is the shadow in my dream and I also need to describe his positive qualities to fully integrate him. He is a powerful orator, he is charismatic and a great influencer. He works extremely hard. I need to find these parts of myself too.
I hope this dream will have more to ‘say’ to me over the next days.
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