Ideas emerging

 October 27, 2020

 

Just four days to nano, to November. I'm not anywhere close to making a decision about which story to try to write. Added to the list of the two ideas I already had, is a third now – memory-essays about my journey in karate so far. That would be the easiest perhaps as it is real, it happened and all I have to do is remember, write, reflect, write. Fiction needs characters and a plot from nothing, perhaps not nothing – perhaps from a seed of something felt, experienced, believed, remembered.

 

One story, the one about friends seeking psycho-spiritual knowledge but choosing different paths which leads to a strain on their relationship feels more like a short story right now. But for the other characters and strands are emerging. Different types of power, money and lack of, greed, harmony or lack of, are the threads. I see them in the desires of the two main characters —one wanting power and wealth at all costs. The other willing to give them up for relationship and harmony. I see them in the Macro they are situated in — political power, control and wealth at the cost of peace, equality, freedom etc. The supporting cast of characters — a father, a maid, a mother, a friend, are also becoming more than mere outlines. Words they might say, the way they might look, the attitudes and beliefs they might have are clarifying. But can I find the sequence of events and begin the draft in four days? Still not sure. 

 

Yet this feeling, of something appearing out of nowhere, a fleeting wisp of an idea that flashed in the corner of my eye but was gone though I quickly turned my head to catch it, leaving me feeling limp and hopeless on Friday, is finally moving to the centre of my vision — that feeling is breathlessly up-lifting. Phew, what a mouthful of a sentence. Even I lost track of the beginning before I got to the end of it! This idea-let is still amorphous and fragile but now I can hope that it will settle into something more if I leave it suspended for a few more days in the solution I’ve created in my mind with increasingly desperate ruminations, over endless cups of tea, in the last ten days. Sigh. I will be drinking more cups of tea in the next days for sure. 

 

Not even sure I will have the time this November as the schedule is suddenly speeding up. I'm nervous, thinking of how the interaction with the outer world might increase next month after all the fairly solitary time. A part of me is wanting more action, activity, mingling. I want to be outdoors without a mask, on a flight without a mask, walking the streets without a mask, discussing things without a mask. But the mask is here to stay for a quite a while yet, so unsure where I will be next month.

 

I decided to buy another drawing course on Udemy. They had a sale. The two I bought in the beginning of the pandemic helped me relax and deal with the burgeoning uncertainties, and I improved my drawing skills a bit, though it was frustrating because I couldn’t always go outdoors and practice like the instructors suggested we do. My first lesson in the new one was shading using nine different pencil values. It felt so soothing to do that. Pencil on paper. I like the B pencils the best – 3B, 4B and even 6B. 

 

But November will be here so soon. Bihar elections are heating up, more chaos will follow. Then it will be December and then 2020 will be over. I feel it was just January a week ago. Do you feel that? Interested in what the end of year reflection I do will be like. Hmm…