Two dreams and a beginning

May 25, 2020 

 Last night I had a dream… 

It was dark and I was outside a dilapidated building, it may have been a hotel at one time, in a seedy part of town. There were people in there that were being held – drugged and trafficked. I, along with two others, was trying to save them. We split up, they stuck together, and I was alone. We met up on a higher floor where the people were being held. The two, a woman and a man, had found them and were ushering them out. I stayed behind to stake out and distract anyone who came. Suddenly I was the only one on the floor and a man, the drugger/trafficker appeared. He cornered me into a room.

An old fear this one, of being held and sold as a sex slave. Brain numbed, body misused, no control over anything. Day after night after day. 

The previous night I had dreamed a similar dream…

An older friend was being held in a house. A very slick place with beautiful furniture. We had gone there for a party and she has gone upstairs – a place which I was too scared to go to – and then disappeared. I had run away but later gone back to find her. A big woman stopped me from going upstairs, but I yelled my friends name. A man grabbed me. I kept yelling saying I wanted to go upstairs. My friend staggered down. She had a nosebleed. She was obviously drugged. 

Rich dreams, many people, many parts, each one me – the drugged one, the rescuer, the abuser. Also the shabby hotel and the slick home. Closer and further from consciousness. I need a dialogue with each.

Much to explore here -- but the one thing that stood out was about being drugged. I have been feeling drugged for a while. There are moments when I suddenly feel alert but mostly -- since the covid stats and stories from different parts of the world began exploding daily -- I feel a part of me, my brain, my heart, have turned the intensity dial to low. It’s much too much at times. All too confusing. Feelings and impressions and sensations not always my own keep me submerged. 

It is a raw, exposed thing – this sharing of personal stuff on a public blog. It is an experiment. I don’t remember why I started writing that blog, I don’t remember why I stopped. I remember it was private at one time and then not. I haven’t written on this blog for five years. Strange to share dreams on my first post back, but they are one thing that wake me up. I think many of us are having strange dreams. 

One of my dreams shifted to another scene…

I was being driven along a dark road with low visibility. Suddenly it opened on the very edge of a cliff. It was dawn. I saw below a vast, alive ocean. There were huge steps cut into the cliff that people were clambering down.

It is a strange time and history will record the big picture. Our personal stories through this time are important. Our daily struggles, musings, hopes and fears. I will start writing here about mine. Would love to hear yours.