human trafficking

Over the last few weeks there has been an image that's really been bothering me. The image wrenches at my gut and makes me so angry. But I also feel immensely helpless and impotent so I end up trying to blank it out because I feel too much about it but cannot do anything about it - at least a part of me believes that I cannot do anything.

The image that disturbs me so deeply is seeing these men, mostly older and mostly white, pawing at these very young vulnerable east asian girls. 

Last week I saw a man, maybe 60 or more, leaning into this woman in a food court. Holding her hand and caressing it. His face was flushed with excitement. The girls body language and face were tense and I felt that any moment she would burst into tears. She looked younger than my daughter. 

The following day I saw a large man walking with this little young woman. He had crushed her against him and his huge arm encircled her tiny waist. She was looking at the floor as she walked. 

The first thought that came to mind was sexual trafficking and exploitation. I saw images of forced sexual labour, confiscated passport and threats to family back home.  But immediately I said to myself, no not here, not in Singapore. It's clean and safe. Such things don't happen here. So, I pushed the thought out of my mind as something in my imagination but of course it still lingered within and found a way into my subconscious and few days later I dreamt - of a powerful man holding a woman captive. She had found a way to escape and I was helping her but he had found out and was playing a 'cat and mouse' game with her and me, smiling all the time as we made a dash to freedom.

Of course I worked on the dream as parts of myself. Of my psyche and found the different energies of predator, prey, power, victim, fear, within myself but I could not leave it at that. Some dreams are about the collective too. I googled human trafficking in Singapore and read that Singapore is indeed a destination country for girls trafficked for work and commercial sexual exploitation. On the ONE Singapore website I read -

At any given moment, 2.5 MILLION PEOPLE are victims of trafficking working as forced labour. Most are between the ages of 18 – 24. Almost all experience physical or sexual violence. More than 40% are forced to work in the sex industry. Estimated annual profits made from trafficking in Asia are US$10 billion.  Human Trafficking occurs in Singapore every day. 

(at http://www.onesingapore.org/stop-human-trafficking/)

Yes, Singapore. It happens here too and it is fairly visible, though most of us turn a blind eye to it?

I am going to stop writing here and let this brew in me as I explore the websites of organisations working with this issue in Singapore and see if I can make a difference even in a tiny way about this problem in our world. It still for the most part feels like this immense problem, involving large crushing organisations that have escaped the reach of the most powerful law enforcing bodies - so how can little insignificant me do anything? And maybe by myself I cannot but along with others even seemingly impossible change can be brought into our world.

Today

Today I want to write to explore a thought in my head about the value of negative feelings. Even as I write this I find myself not liking the word negative so I replace it with uncomfortable.

Feelings that make my body and mind uncomfortable, restless or confused. I guess some part of me values comfort, peace and clarity over the above feelings. 

Last year I had a falling out with a friend who was a believer of positive psychology and appreciative inquiry. He believed that negative feelings when left to themselves multiplied and grew and took over the mind. He had learnt to tap away negativity and emerge comfortable and happy. 

I on the other felt that each uncomfortable state of mind and body contain an inner core of truth that call to be felt and assimilated. These so called negative feelings need to be unfolded and this for me is a necessary aspect of awareness. 

Both of us were seekers. He looked at the path of positivity and I leant towards finding my truths from my shadow. We talked and explored and perhaps even assimilated each others beliefs but in the end my shadow was too heavy for him, he felt it engulfed him and made it that much harder for him to reach his light. 

He walked away, I was hurt and without realising it I began breathing away my pain. That was not that hard to do and I did find I could quite easily turn away from it and reach a state of peace. Perhaps I even needed to do this as the years crises suddenly felt overwhelming. But somewhere within the surface calmness I sensed something simmering. A powerful water serpent, strong open jaws, enclosed inside a mountain, writhing and swimming from one end to the other of its' mountain walls, twisting and turning its long neck. Roaring silently. Wanting to get out, energy building into an explosive frenzy.

Bombay. The year finally began losing its intense and fearful hold on me and I breathed more easily, more naturally, resting in each moment. I did a long overdue blood test which showed some high liver values.

It was only this monday that I began to feel how much I had lost of my essence in breathing away my pain without first knowing it accurately. So today I decide to notice and meticulously name a discomfort, a negative feeling before I breathe it away. I feel this might help to detoxify my liver.

It was in 1999 that I had such elevated liver function values. Much more than today. I was emerging from a very painful, poisonous time. Longer and more intense than last year. Authentic connection to the toxins finally freed me from them.

Everyone has a different path to the truth. Of course for me some paths are more inclusive. Something about Singapore and perhaps the world prefers the path of positivity. For me that path excludes the essence of me and the path of staying close to my shadow, where everything I can ever feel or be resides, is more inclusive. Maybe this year I will find I am wrong in holding this view but today it feels good to just clarify what I believe and try to live it deeply.