Desperately missing...

Ten days after returning from Italy my mind still goes back to it and I yearn to be back. Its been a really busy coming back. After the year beginning in a way where I barely managed to get much accomplished I feel an urgency to get things done and its going mostly ok. I am working on the second draft of my fantasy novel and am determined to get it done before my daughter returns from her last term in Innsbruck. Three people have read the first layer of the memory I finished before I left for Italy and they all felt themselves drawn into the story, wanting to read on and know what happened next. It was so scary sending out such a raw memory but their response has been reassuring. Despite seeing the worst of me in the memory they seem to still like me - and thats really a wonderful feeling. Hoping to interact with one or two of them more and move into the next layer. 

In my first week of work I pushed the pace and moved. Later I analysed the hours I spent doing different things and figured what I need to change. Me - a spontaneous worker seems to be actually making schedules and wanting to reach goals. 

But still everyday I wake up thinking that I wish I was back on that holiday. 

Some of the things I miss 

• Having 21 uninterrupted days with Deepak. Its been so long since we were stuck together like we were there. I actually had apprehensions before we left about it. I am so used to being alone and enjoying it and I wondered if we would fight everyday. But it was a dream being together - easy to adjust and enjoy our differing needs. Of course we had arguments and expectations but but, but, but... they were few and minor. Most moments were pure bliss.
• I miss the five days of training in Catania. The anticipation and excitement. The dread of not making it through sessions, not following the fast paced Sensei's, not being good enough, not having anyone to talk to - and then finding that all those fears were nuts. The breakfasts alone where I ate carefully thinking of the four hours of training. The high after each day and the bus ride back, I was the first to be dropped off. Freezing granitas from the little shop just outside the lane to our little hotel - which had to be gulped down as they melted so fast in the burning heat. Our large room with a sunny balcony where I could dry out my keiko gi. Transcribing the sessions the best i could and of course having Deepak in the room waiting for me. Resting my back for a couple of hours and then the exploring walks, wonderful Sicilian pasta and wine dinners.   Slowing down. Talking and just being. I miss the bus driver. His warm, chubby face that knew me after the second day. 
• I miss how when I asked how far something was and I always was told five minutes or right around here when it actually was about twenty minutes away. I miss - when I and the travel agency had different ideas on when I should be picked up for the drop off at the airport - how the man agreed to my time so easily 'You want 12:45, ok'. He made a pencil mark on his list but later that day a note was slipped under my door. 'Pick up time - 12:15'.  He just did it his way. We laughed and later found how glad we were for that extra half hour at Catania airport. 
• I miss the traffic and the lack of rules or the not following of them.
• I miss, even, the crazy, stressful chaos at Catania airport and the immense pleasure of making our flight.
• I miss Florence. I miss Florence. I miss Florence. Yes, that requires another post. But every corner a wonderful surprise and so much life - past, present and I imagine future.
• I miss our spontaneous decisions on where to go and what to do and Deepak and my argument over whether to get a drink at Piazza Repubblica or find a little cafe in some forgotten lane. He won out and we had that drink there. I grouched at first but ended up having that moment etched into my memory, there to retrieve whenever I want. And of course I drank both his and my drink and was tipsy for the rest of the evening.
• I miss the sad look on the waiters faces when I could not finish my meal. Their asking did I not like it and the smile of relief when I said it was great but I was too full.
• I miss the gasping surprise of seeing David in the Academia, Venus's birth in the Uffizi, the Mercury bronze in the Bargello, the seemingly forgotten contorted face with green moss growing out of its mouth at Buboli gardens. I miss the awe I felt every time i saw the Duomo even though we lived right round the corner and every path we took passed it. I miss the bells and even more the doors.
• I miss deciding between getting a gelato or a granita. I miss the flavours I sampled and even more the flavors I could not.
• I miss the overwhelming emotions I felt as I sat with the last supper and the crucification on the other wall - which stayed with me deep into the next morning.
• I miss Villa Sostaga, the view, the absolute silence, the long, long dinner overlooking the lake so far down. The day turning to night as we ate and the arrangement of lights on the other side of the lake. I miss wondering what they saw when they looked to our side. I miss  the cute dog from Vienna at the next table and how he did not like Romeo the house dog who walked around making sure all was going as well as it could. I miss the plump waitress's smile and sad goodbye.
• I miss seeing Shibble and walking the streets of Innsbruck after 30 years. The hasty day in Salzburg spent lazily wandering through the unknown city.
• I miss Sirmione, and hotel Pace - right on the lake. Lazing on the jetty for hours. Slowing down, slowing down and then slowing down more. That one day that held a thousand in it.

Rushed rambly, rambly post. Hertz in Milan still has to be dealt with and I wish I had handled that experience better but, but, but... that just added balance and richness to an almost perfect holiday that I can, paradoxically, miss even more because it was not perfect.

The holiday and Italy were fantastic. But what I really want to do as I miss them is find the essence, the shape, the form of that holiday and retain it here in my days in Singy. Lets see where that desire goes.