saturday morning. its almost impossible to have any deep thoughts during this time. my mind races ahead rushing through things i have to do, then doubles back to something forgotten and here i am back where i started. in my mind at least.
the packing has begun. half way through packing books. sighing about why i didn't switch to ebooks - but the tactile feel of a book, it's smell and being able to lend it out is priceless. it will still be a while before i convince myself to completely switch.
i go through the days in altered states, arriving back in my body only at the end of the day as i sit relaxing and chatting about what needs to be done the next or when i have to make decisions. yesterday we visited a factory in bedok and ordered blinds, then rushed to ikea for some essentials. i was in my body then and earlier in the day when the physiotherapist prodded and poked on my back. the pain could have driven me out of my body but i stayed and practiced breathing. today the body is sore and i feel myself in it.
but a lot of times even while packing what i have already sorted i go into a state where my body and mind are not fully connected. it's a way of getting through some of the unpleasant processes of moving i think. perhaps an escape that i will pay for when i can't find something or when some my body shows sudden symptoms. what does our body do when our minds wander away from it? what happens to the mind as it needs to escape for a while? no time to take this further today.
yesterday tired of the constant chatter of my mind around the things to be done i sat with my spouse and forced him to make a few lists with me. lists of what to pack and where, of when to do what. lists for today and tomorrow and for everyday of the move. everyone laughs at my lists - calls me neurotic but they help me keep see the processes before they happen. finds the flaws and correct them. remember what i could have forgotten. mostly they help me empty my mind and last night at least i slept well.
i am glad to have these morning moments on my bed in my pj's writing and unwinding. drinking water and more water to allow my body to release the toxins from my physio massage and from the relentless exhaustive cyclical thoughts of moving. i am worried about my little rosie. he has developed cataracts in both eyes. he seems healthy otherwise but its so hard to see the little enthusiastic explorer slow down. he loved food and now he cannot eat everything. its heartbreaking to see him ageing.
tomorrow i leave for my beloved annual karate retreat in koh samui. one week of training and hopefully full immersion in the present. its a gift that i will have the week to clear my head of thoughts but i wonder if i will drive myself crazy while i am there thinking of things i need to do when i return? hopefully i will be able to flow with what is while i am there and de-stress a bit.
i have been de-cluttering materially as i pack. though its hard to do so simultaneously. there is an urgency in using the hours of the day fruitfully and a pull towards memories as i decide to take or give away something. though its mostly been easy to let go, to detach - but some things i have held on to instead of leaving behind.
when we moved here we brought so little. its painful to see how much i have accumulated in just five years. are all the things i brought back from bombay each time we visited or bought here, are they truly things i cannot live without? i do want to live more mindfully now and carefully decide on whether i really need something before i acquire it. how many material possessions do i need to be happy? my mind knows the answer to that but to live it is work.
and the emotional and psychic de-cluttering is also happening as i let go of things i let go of inner attachments and clarify my purpose of being, untangle messy internal states. meditating on the fears that arose helped me feel my heart and spirit. conflicts often accompany moments of stress. deciding what is worth fighting for is also a process right now. hopefully my little family can do this without the horrible blow ups of the past. more on that after.
so many friends have offered moving wishes, moving tips, help for getting us food on those crazy days, help to move things around in their car, help with packing or unpacking. reminding me again about how lucky i am to have these people in my life.
time to get back to work.
the packing has begun. half way through packing books. sighing about why i didn't switch to ebooks - but the tactile feel of a book, it's smell and being able to lend it out is priceless. it will still be a while before i convince myself to completely switch.
i go through the days in altered states, arriving back in my body only at the end of the day as i sit relaxing and chatting about what needs to be done the next or when i have to make decisions. yesterday we visited a factory in bedok and ordered blinds, then rushed to ikea for some essentials. i was in my body then and earlier in the day when the physiotherapist prodded and poked on my back. the pain could have driven me out of my body but i stayed and practiced breathing. today the body is sore and i feel myself in it.
but a lot of times even while packing what i have already sorted i go into a state where my body and mind are not fully connected. it's a way of getting through some of the unpleasant processes of moving i think. perhaps an escape that i will pay for when i can't find something or when some my body shows sudden symptoms. what does our body do when our minds wander away from it? what happens to the mind as it needs to escape for a while? no time to take this further today.
yesterday tired of the constant chatter of my mind around the things to be done i sat with my spouse and forced him to make a few lists with me. lists of what to pack and where, of when to do what. lists for today and tomorrow and for everyday of the move. everyone laughs at my lists - calls me neurotic but they help me keep see the processes before they happen. finds the flaws and correct them. remember what i could have forgotten. mostly they help me empty my mind and last night at least i slept well.
i am glad to have these morning moments on my bed in my pj's writing and unwinding. drinking water and more water to allow my body to release the toxins from my physio massage and from the relentless exhaustive cyclical thoughts of moving. i am worried about my little rosie. he has developed cataracts in both eyes. he seems healthy otherwise but its so hard to see the little enthusiastic explorer slow down. he loved food and now he cannot eat everything. its heartbreaking to see him ageing.
tomorrow i leave for my beloved annual karate retreat in koh samui. one week of training and hopefully full immersion in the present. its a gift that i will have the week to clear my head of thoughts but i wonder if i will drive myself crazy while i am there thinking of things i need to do when i return? hopefully i will be able to flow with what is while i am there and de-stress a bit.
i have been de-cluttering materially as i pack. though its hard to do so simultaneously. there is an urgency in using the hours of the day fruitfully and a pull towards memories as i decide to take or give away something. though its mostly been easy to let go, to detach - but some things i have held on to instead of leaving behind.
when we moved here we brought so little. its painful to see how much i have accumulated in just five years. are all the things i brought back from bombay each time we visited or bought here, are they truly things i cannot live without? i do want to live more mindfully now and carefully decide on whether i really need something before i acquire it. how many material possessions do i need to be happy? my mind knows the answer to that but to live it is work.
and the emotional and psychic de-cluttering is also happening as i let go of things i let go of inner attachments and clarify my purpose of being, untangle messy internal states. meditating on the fears that arose helped me feel my heart and spirit. conflicts often accompany moments of stress. deciding what is worth fighting for is also a process right now. hopefully my little family can do this without the horrible blow ups of the past. more on that after.
so many friends have offered moving wishes, moving tips, help for getting us food on those crazy days, help to move things around in their car, help with packing or unpacking. reminding me again about how lucky i am to have these people in my life.
time to get back to work.
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