splits

i dont get it.
there is a part of me that doesnt care to get it. numb. angry. alternating between the two.

and part that wants to know why suddenly everything inside changed.

in a strange city. i long for the feeling of home. the feeling of arriving. of happiness and smiles.
i wonder where they have gone.
i wasn't always like this. though i don't really remember what i was like.

i dreamt i was in a strange place and my partner was there with me. there was a menacing stranger in the space too. my partner seemed not to notice and left me there with the menacing stranger. the stranger smiled. i felt scared. i tried to seem like i didn't feel the fear. i walked slowly to the door but my hand fumbled. it felt like a rubber hose. i could not control it. i could not open the door. i paniced. my heartbeat accelerated. i tried to seem calm. the stranger smirked and opened the door. i mumbled a thank you and rushed out. i had thought i would be safe once outside but my heart sank. it was dark outside and there was nobody in sight. if i screamed nobody would hear. the stranger was behind me.