splits

i dont get it.
there is a part of me that doesnt care to get it. numb. angry. alternating between the two.

and part that wants to know why suddenly everything inside changed.

in a strange city. i long for the feeling of home. the feeling of arriving. of happiness and smiles.
i wonder where they have gone.
i wasn't always like this. though i don't really remember what i was like.

i dreamt i was in a strange place and my partner was there with me. there was a menacing stranger in the space too. my partner seemed not to notice and left me there with the menacing stranger. the stranger smiled. i felt scared. i tried to seem like i didn't feel the fear. i walked slowly to the door but my hand fumbled. it felt like a rubber hose. i could not control it. i could not open the door. i paniced. my heartbeat accelerated. i tried to seem calm. the stranger smirked and opened the door. i mumbled a thank you and rushed out. i had thought i would be safe once outside but my heart sank. it was dark outside and there was nobody in sight. if i screamed nobody would hear. the stranger was behind me.

are the warrior and the owl different or same energies?
its noon in a strange land. its a strange day. the owl sleeps and the warrior is weary. then all that remains awake is me. who is also a bit not really here..

in a strange city. after 2 years it still remains strange. there are still spaces that are deep, dark and unknown. and it echoes within me.

if one believes that everything happens with a reason then i can accept this strange city experience more easily. but does it really or is it just a belief created to make one feel better in circumstances that are not quite appealing?

can we just be w/o the armors of our beliefs?

i am lonely today. seeking some answers to questions that are yet not formed.