October 10, 2025
I’m sitting on the swing in the green balcony of my childhood home and icing my knee which got severely inflamed after my flight. We used to have family lunches here on weekends when I was little. I love it here even though some of the sliding windows don’t open anymore. The pink small sofa and armchairs were added by my sister and an hefty stone I picked up on a beach in Calvi while visiting my friend Midi is placed on the sofa. Two areca palms on the two ends occupy most of the space in the balcony. Nobody uses this spot much but when I visit it is my favourite morning spot. I can keep an eye on squealer’s favourite tree from here and watch an expanse of sky and spot other flying kites.
Only a few days left of our trip here. When we booked the tickets, my mum wasn’t having eye issues, but a few days before we flew in, she suddenly had a blank spot in her right eye after shampooing her hair. My sister acted quickly and set up an eye appointment, she had a blood clot, and on the third visit to the clinic she was administered the injection. She has trouble walking because of scoliosis, particularly climbing steps and each trip took its toll on her. Though I wanted to go she asked me to stay home and make sure lunch etc. was prepped, while my sister took her. I wasn’t offended as my sister is her primary caregiver. I wrote up questions to ask because (like many of us) my sister goes blank at the doctors, but I felt redundant and a bit like my mum didn’t trust me.
I remembered my visit last October when she had been unable to walk because of muscle loss, and unable to lift her arm because of shoulder pain. She needed help with getting out of her bed or even bathing. My sister had panicked, and so had I, and I had made an urgent trip here. When I helped mum my sister always yelled at me – be careful, don’t hurt her, you’re exerting too much force on her arm. I had blown up one day and said, she’s my mum too, I’m not torturing her. My mum had not intervened, but she was steeped in pain and was quieter and more turned inward than ever, hardly aware of the surroundings. She slept a lot more than she ever had. All this scared me immensely. But with good orthopaedic advice and physiotherapy she is stronger again and her alert self now.
The evening before her injection I asked her again if I could go and she said no. Then later that night she asked me if I would go down to the porch when she returned to help her up the short flight of stairs to reach the level on which the elevators are. When I asked about my sister, at first mum merely said she will be carrying bags, but when I offered to go down and carry the bags so my sister could help her, she replied, no I like your strength and support. Her support is too light.
Surprised and pleased, I realised that my mum knows what and who she needs for different things. Knowing this made the waiting at home for messages from my sister easier.
This was the nicest part about this trip so far, but something happened that also shocked me. I’m not sure what exactly started the topic for I don’t talk politics with my family as they prefer not to know about ‘the things they cannot change’. But one morning as we drank tea mum said, we (India) needs to be careful with Muslims, what they teach in Madrassas is not known, and they hide their weapons in their Mosques. I wasn’t surprised she said the latter for I know that she had experienced bad Hindu-Muslim riots in Ahmedabad as a child before, during, and post partition. She has memories of cowering with her siblings in the dark as people ran across their roofs yelling. She has told me about swords and knives, blood and bodies. Of course to her the aggressors were Muslim men and the defenders Hindu men.
When she remembered those stories I would say, times are different now and it’s Muslims who are threatened under a right-wing government. Most times she used to hear me out and she’d nod her head as her sharp brain integrated what I told her about current happenings. Even when I was with her when the Ram Temple in Ayodha was inaugurated and there was a frenzy about digging up more ancient mosques she told me that she was happy to see this temple but there was no need to break down old mosques. What happened then can’t be corrected by more violence and destruction now, she’d say.
This time though she spouted a few more ‘myths’ that have been spread through the BJP IT cells. It floored me. There were population growth myths (that Muslims were now 41% of the population) and myths about how Muslims use Hindu names to fool people. She doesn’t watch news, and she barely meets people and when I asked who told her this she said, 'everyone', and 'one hears these things'.
Not wanting to upset her I walked away. I could tell she was upset by that, but I needed to calm down. These kinds of statements set me off badly and I often find it difficult to stay connected with people who buy into the myths floating around.
Yet this was my mother. She needed care not an argument — and we’ve had plenty of those over the years. Of course, I made my peace with her later — though I took a shower first. But frankly I am still processing this as I don’t know how to be with a person who will believe and repeat these things. I guess I will find another time to investigate what has changed her moderate views. Maybe I will get some understanding about how these 'myths' take root in a person’s mind. But yes, still processing.
I haven’t been out and about and meeting people much. There are only two friends I want to connect with this trip, and I have a few days left. But spouse and I had blood tests done and the person collecting our blood brought up the topic of Modi, Ambani, and Adani. I know in 2014 the man was a firm Modi supporter but the vehemence with which he talked about how the above three, and more, have messed up the country made me feel hopeful.
Is the tide turning? Can it? It often feels it is too late for any kind of normal change of power for now all institutions have been ‘captured’ by the BJP, and they arrest and lock up those who oppose them, journalists who ask questions are found dead. Political change will take more effort than ever but hoping it will be peaceful, unlike the recent Nepal Gen Z revolution. And I don’t know how long social/mindset change will take.
It’s been an heartful and instructive trip, but tiring. I am waiting for the day when I can wake up in my Singy home.
